那一天，戴着耳机，行走在Castle Park的时候，突然就被这首老歌击穿心底。
前尘往事，隔开岁月回望，俯仰皆无奈。
我爱，对不起，为曾经所有的错待与不堪！
欠你的，不仅仅是无数个正式的道歉。
2025/06/24
Did I Say It
三十年一觉多情梦。
离开过，再回来，更觉时光匆匆。
光阴如水，悄然而逝。
它从不言语，却写满了岁月的痕迹。
My dearest, Thank you for all the beautiful ways you touch my life!
2025/04/04
So Far Away
时隔一周，再进同一个机场，一次是靠近，一次是远离。
心情，天壤之别。
幸福总是短暂，分别才是主调。
你说又回到了白天不懂夜的黑的天南地北，我却有朗月怎知烛之幽的卑微忧惧。
有着朝不保夕的仓促感的，又何止是你？！
惶恐不安的夜里，睡眠总是难以为继。
一念起，可以万水千山等闲渡；一念灭，是沧海又桑田的绝望。
Oh, Love, How I miss you every single day and now you are so far away......
2024/10/17
最是人间留不住
“繁星皓月万点黄，半城桂树满城香”。
长假后，一夜之间，通衢窄巷，桂花开尽。丹桂、金桂、银桂、四季桂，花开万点黄。一呼一吸间，氤氲馥郁。
几场秋雨，地上尽是辞树的桂花。踏足其上，耳机里传来低沉暗哑的大提琴声，一曲《殇》，听得人难免唏嘘：岁月哪堪数，故人怎如初？
说过的话，写过的字，在心头翻滚，在脑海穿梭，不得安宁。
高悬的月，圆且亮。江边栈道，多了不少或举着长枪大炮或高抬手机的人。
据说，今日8:51分，月球经过近地点；19:26分，满月时刻，两者相差不到11个小时，因此，成就年度最大“超级月亮”。
只是，在我眯缝着努力辨别的双眼看来，今夜的，和每月一次的满月，似乎没啥区别。如果你在，会说什么？
骑车回家，对影三人。良夜恹恹，不醉如何？
2024/10/06
相思相见知何日
既然有旅馆可蹭，兼且郁躁难解，索性挤在人从众叕里，到所谓的城市后花园，来一场说走就走的游荡。人头攒动、众声喧哗，给自己的孤独添一抹别样的色彩也好。
18年光阴燃尽，再度穿行在柳浪闻莺里，眼前浮现的是你T恤后背包印下的盐霜痕迹；经过湖边那条长椅，耳边响起的是你接电话的喁喁私语；胃中空空时，口腔里依稀有醋鱼的味道弥漫开来；脚步滞重时，十指间彷佛有你手指的触感予我轻盈......
我是多么习惯得想你， 无时无刻不在想你。
一个白天，就在绕湖半圈以4W+的步数登顶排行榜中成为历史。安静下来的深夜，每周一邮并没有如期而至，暌违已久的声音也没有如愿响起。有失落，有担忧，有犹豫，有挣扎，千言万语到头来总是归于无语。我劝说自己：想来，你是忙于相聚，忙于别离，忙于日常，而安静地等待，也许是此时待你最好的方式；有时候紧紧相拥，只能让一切分崩离析。但又或者，你只是被我的笨拙再次刺痛到哪里了呢？！又又或者，你身体又出状况了呢？！想给自己设定一个期限：一周？会不会静默太长？一天？会不会时机又不对？
酸痛的双腿，并未换来香甜的睡眠。时梦时醒，想着山那头海那边的你究竟是怎么了？想着别后种种，忧伤忍不住在暗夜蔓延......
连续三个月的高温天，期盼的台风止步不前，这半个多月，台风倒是络绎不绝的频繁登陆了。晨起的天空飘着细雨，一场秋雨一场寒，一番风雨一番秋，等着，守着，就年近迟暮了。还有多少时间，可以被我们这样浪费？
昨天还是艳阳高照，今日已是秋雨菲菲，撑一把伞，漫步湖畔，碧波浩淼，接天莲叶，远山寂寂，烟雾袅袅。浓妆淡抹的绿里，桂花的甜香清淡了稍许，空气里的湿度一直浸润到心里。世界再大，山水再美，没有你在身边，不过是困守，无非是寂寞。
很想你，照亮我世界的太阳。
2024/04/03
变，不变
地铁上接到你的来电，周遭嘈杂喧闹的环境突然安静下来，默默地思念了你一周的心湖突然喧腾起来。
路上匆匆聊了几句，得知度假归来的你精神依然不济，照片上的你仍旧憔悴瘦削，心渐渐揪起。
夜里反复醒来：零点、一点、二点、三点，断续的睡眠中梦到两个月后和你的相聚，诡异的是，你的父亲和你的奶奶也在。再醒来，看着窗外的霓虹和夜色，算着时间到四点，打电话过去问问你的近况。出乎我意料，你并没有因为困倦早早洗澡入睡，而是在批改试卷，于是改变心意匆匆结束对话，催你早点去洗澡休息。
依旧睡不着，刷手机，在小柯的视频号，听到这首歌《我变了，我没变》：
时光流转，回忆久远，你的变与不变，我能感受到，亦明白；有酸楚，也感恩，亦忐忑。
只是不知，你是否也看见亦懂得：我做了那么多改变，只是为了我心中不变。
2023/11/07
2023/10/26
2014/09/10
Let Her Go
心情极其糟糕，对你中秋来信的回应，让你误会。你受伤的语气，刺痛了我，不得不扒开自己层层包裹的壳稍加解释。
你之前熬过的艰难岁月，我曾缺席。如今轮到我，又怎么能厚颜在你处寻得慰籍？！之前多少次，控制不住要按键，要一吐为快，最后还是止步，那些字句，是悬在头上的达摩克利斯剑。每念及此，唯有沉默。
只是，亲爱的你，一旦知晓，还是试图运用你自称已消失无踪的magic stick，救我于泥沼。大概就是这样的体贴细腻和勇气，让我一次次沉溺，让我一次次不能let you go.
临别际，以为会收到你所列的歌单，后来又以为你已经忘了当时的无心之语，今天，知道，你一直记得。
谨以此歌，纪念泰晤士河畔的昙花一现的幸福...
Dreams come slow and they go so fast...
你之前熬过的艰难岁月，我曾缺席。如今轮到我，又怎么能厚颜在你处寻得慰籍？！之前多少次，控制不住要按键，要一吐为快，最后还是止步，那些字句，是悬在头上的达摩克利斯剑。每念及此，唯有沉默。
只是，亲爱的你，一旦知晓，还是试图运用你自称已消失无踪的magic stick，救我于泥沼。大概就是这样的体贴细腻和勇气，让我一次次沉溺，让我一次次不能let you go.
临别际，以为会收到你所列的歌单，后来又以为你已经忘了当时的无心之语，今天，知道，你一直记得。
谨以此歌，纪念泰晤士河畔的昙花一现的幸福...
Dreams come slow and they go so fast...
2014/09/02
Sky Boat Song
曾经，音乐是逃逸现世的途径；曾经，音乐是孤寂的陪伴；渐渐地，在生活的撕扯中，音乐亦苍白无力；流年中，就这样与音乐也渐行渐远。
做沙发土豆很长一段时间，那晚在看《古战场传奇》时，心弦突然被这首主题曲拨动，麻木已久的神经在夜里一点点灵动起来......
亲爱的你，有否听见我的呼唤？
做沙发土豆很长一段时间，那晚在看《古战场传奇》时，心弦突然被这首主题曲拨动，麻木已久的神经在夜里一点点灵动起来......
亲爱的你，有否听见我的呼唤？
2014/01/25
渐明白，深情的只是，节气轮回。
收到你的“闲话”，得缘一睹“江湖”。
听完，果然也就是你挑出的那两首较称心。
难得的是，你这次关注的是词而不是曲。张大春在你心中的份量，由此可见。
就歌词而言，“客梦”胜出，其中尤以两句为甚：
另一曲“离别赋”，墨泼得让人情思幽幽，待听到“渐明白，深情的只是，节气轮回”，心下悲喜难禁......
摧枯拉朽的，惟有时间。
听完，果然也就是你挑出的那两首较称心。
难得的是，你这次关注的是词而不是曲。张大春在你心中的份量，由此可见。
就歌词而言，“客梦”胜出，其中尤以两句为甚：
- 心事都写在，江风上、桨声中、人烟里。
- 过处都是悔，一夜酒、十年灯、两行泪。
另一曲“离别赋”，墨泼得让人情思幽幽，待听到“渐明白，深情的只是，节气轮回”，心下悲喜难禁......
摧枯拉朽的，惟有时间。
2012/03/19
Sad Soul
不阴不雨的周末早晨，黯黯生天际。久盼不至的，除了阳光，还有铃声。夜夜不能眠，竟也清醒无比。挣扎着起床，人空虚得不知如何是好。所幸，Adele在伦敦Royal Albert Hall的这场现场演唱会，拯救了我。光阴，似乎有了一点重量，不再是难以承受的轻。
很久没有这样沉静地听一场演唱会、耐心地接受一个新歌手了。她极富穿透力的声音，情深款款的演绎，多年后以释然的心态讲彼时的情伤，虽然Fxxx不绝于耳，那口伦敦腔，听来还是倍觉亲切。忧郁的音符中，sad soul们不由地靠近、再靠近，只为那一点点同是天涯沦落人的相惜与温暖。忧伤，丝丝缕缕从自己的记忆里渗透，在别人的故事里蔓延。心上的人，一样的不思量，亦难忘。
先是Someone like you, 后来是Don't you remember, 再后来是 I can't make you love me,最后是这首Chasing Pavements将我的情绪推至极点。
I've made up my mind,
No need to think it over,
If i'm wrong I am right,
No need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love.
But if I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Wait then as my heart drops,
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
很久没有这样沉静地听一场演唱会、耐心地接受一个新歌手了。她极富穿透力的声音，情深款款的演绎，多年后以释然的心态讲彼时的情伤，虽然Fxxx不绝于耳，那口伦敦腔，听来还是倍觉亲切。忧郁的音符中，sad soul们不由地靠近、再靠近，只为那一点点同是天涯沦落人的相惜与温暖。忧伤，丝丝缕缕从自己的记忆里渗透，在别人的故事里蔓延。心上的人，一样的不思量，亦难忘。
先是Someone like you, 后来是Don't you remember, 再后来是 I can't make you love me,最后是这首Chasing Pavements将我的情绪推至极点。
I've made up my mind,
No need to think it over,
If i'm wrong I am right,
No need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love.
But if I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Wait then as my heart drops,
and my back begins to tingle
finally could this be it
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If i knew my place should i leave it there?
Should i give up,
Or should i just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere
2011/11/27
Nick of Time
闹了个笑话。
昨天看剧集时，听见这首歌的片断，一如既往，被歌词吸引。
于是google了一下，查到是Bonnie Raitt的Nick of Time. 用google music下载，赫然发现曲调歌词迥异于之前的片断，如果让我从头听起，这首歌或许就这么擦肩于茫茫歌海，不做停留。
及至我耐心听完整首歌，才知讲述的是截然不同的一个故事。再细细琢磨，发现连歌名也完全领会错。初初一看，nick of time，似乎是“时间的缺口”、“时间的刻痕”之意，我甚至在思虑这和"ashes of time"哪个意境更好，更契合我此时此刻的心境，是否趁着换了模板之际也换换博客名，以此标示一个里程碑的结束与另一个的开始呢？
后来一查，发现这原来是做“正是时候”之解。啼笑皆非的我，赧然无言之余，唯有痛下决心，重启英文原版阅读之旅。
昨天看剧集时，听见这首歌的片断，一如既往，被歌词吸引。
Just when I thought I'd had enough
All my tears were shed...
No promise left unbroken,
There were no painful words unsaid.
You came along and showed me
How to leave it all behind....
You opened up my heart again and then much to my surprise.
于是google了一下，查到是Bonnie Raitt的Nick of Time. 用google music下载，赫然发现曲调歌词迥异于之前的片断，如果让我从头听起，这首歌或许就这么擦肩于茫茫歌海，不做停留。
及至我耐心听完整首歌，才知讲述的是截然不同的一个故事。再细细琢磨，发现连歌名也完全领会错。初初一看，nick of time，似乎是“时间的缺口”、“时间的刻痕”之意，我甚至在思虑这和"ashes of time"哪个意境更好，更契合我此时此刻的心境，是否趁着换了模板之际也换换博客名，以此标示一个里程碑的结束与另一个的开始呢？
后来一查，发现这原来是做“正是时候”之解。啼笑皆非的我，赧然无言之余，唯有痛下决心，重启英文原版阅读之旅。
2011/09/30
I Miss You
从早八点忙至晚十二点，工作强度大到人要连轴转。可是，依然有无数的时间填满思念。以为上周的电话会泄洪决堤的思念，又可以熬过一段死寂的岁月。殊料，思念不减反增，也许，是因为有了对话之故；也许，更是因为你向我要求的一个"Mercy".
这一周，一直若有所待。给我的“仁慈”却迟迟不至。心里有无数的疑惑探头，却没有一个敢让它们萌芽滋长。每每熬不过去的时候，就爬起来工作，夜以继日。
我爱，Miss you so so much...
没有你，世界一片荒芜...
你说“时无重至，华不再阳。”
你说“人寿几何？逝如朝露。”
为何，我们又要如此蹉跎、各自情怯呢？
Here in the silence I wait.
Theres nothing else I can do
It feels like my hearts gonna break
and all I can think of is you
and how my aching arms long to hold you
and show you how much I care
but Im counting the hours without you
and I dont know how much I can bear
Cos I miss you more than words can say.
And I need you here in my life always
Yeah, I miss you and I'll always be
waiting here for you, til youre back with me
You found a place in my heart
from the first moment I saw you.
And you are my light in the dark
and I would do anything for you,
cos you're everything I've ever wished for
The answer to all of my dreams
And I want you back.
Home is here with me
Oh I miss you more than words can say.
And I need you here in my life always.
Yeah, I miss you and I'll always be
waiting here for you, til youre back with me.
Yes, I would be right there beside you
if I only knew where you are,
cos it feels like I'm dying without you
my whole world is falling apart.
And I miss you more than words can say.
And I need you here in my life always
Yeah, I miss you and I'll always be
waiting here for you, til youre back with me.
这一周，一直若有所待。给我的“仁慈”却迟迟不至。心里有无数的疑惑探头，却没有一个敢让它们萌芽滋长。每每熬不过去的时候，就爬起来工作，夜以继日。
我爱，Miss you so so much...
没有你，世界一片荒芜...
你说“时无重至，华不再阳。”
你说“人寿几何？逝如朝露。”
为何，我们又要如此蹉跎、各自情怯呢？
Here in the silence I wait.
Theres nothing else I can do
It feels like my hearts gonna break
and all I can think of is you
and how my aching arms long to hold you
and show you how much I care
but Im counting the hours without you
and I dont know how much I can bear
Cos I miss you more than words can say.
And I need you here in my life always
Yeah, I miss you and I'll always be
waiting here for you, til youre back with me
You found a place in my heart
from the first moment I saw you.
And you are my light in the dark
and I would do anything for you,
cos you're everything I've ever wished for
The answer to all of my dreams
And I want you back.
Home is here with me
Oh I miss you more than words can say.
And I need you here in my life always.
Yeah, I miss you and I'll always be
waiting here for you, til youre back with me.
Yes, I would be right there beside you
if I only knew where you are,
cos it feels like I'm dying without you
my whole world is falling apart.
And I miss you more than words can say.
And I need you here in my life always
Yeah, I miss you and I'll always be
waiting here for you, til youre back with me.
2011/09/27
Donde Voy
记得你最后一次回来，曾用你的mp3倒了一批歌曲听，其中几首歌甚至惹你独自泪流满面。
自你离去后，这一批200多首歌已经反复听了无数个日日夜夜。卧室里添置了迷你JVC，第二次刻CD，这次是为自己。失眠的夜，思念的夜，流浪的路上，这些歌一直陪伴着我。诡异的是，这样不间断反复聆听，我并没有象你一样听到要呕吐。它们象我最忠诚的朋友，替我诉说、替我浅吟低唱。
前几天，不小心将其中一张碟磨损，终于决定更新曲库，重新刻几张碟，恰好打发这几夜难熬的时间。
昨天无意发现这首歌，英文名和以前刻给你的一首轻音乐一样——Tear，追根溯源，原来是西班牙民谣，被齐豫重填英文词翻唱。老习惯，听歌先看词，不看则已，一看“战栗不已”，如果再出差，如果再一个人夜中走长路，这首歌必听无疑，太太太应景贴心，仿佛度身定做一般。
All alone I have started my journey
To the darkness of darkness I go
With a reason, I stopped for a moment
In this world full of pleasure so frail
Town after town on I travel
Pass through faces I know and know not
Like a bird in flight, sometimes I topple
Time and time again, just farewells
Donde Voy, donde voy
Day by day, my story unfolds
Solo estoy, solo estoy
All alone as the day I was born
Till your eyes rest in mine, I shall wander
No more darkness I know and know not
For your sweetness I traded my freedom
Not knowing a farewell awaits
You know, hearts can be repeatledly broken
Making room for the harrows to come
Along with my sorrow I buried
My tears, my smile, and your name
Donde voy, donde voy
Songs of lovetales I sing of no more
Solo estoy, solo estoy
Once again with my shadows I roam
Donde voy, donde voy
All alone as the day I was born
Solo estoy, solo estoy
Still alone with my shadows I roam
我爱，你可知：
hearts can be repeatledly broken
Making room for the harrows to come
Along with my sorrow I buried
My tears, my smile, and your name......
自你离去后，这一批200多首歌已经反复听了无数个日日夜夜。卧室里添置了迷你JVC，第二次刻CD，这次是为自己。失眠的夜，思念的夜，流浪的路上，这些歌一直陪伴着我。诡异的是，这样不间断反复聆听，我并没有象你一样听到要呕吐。它们象我最忠诚的朋友，替我诉说、替我浅吟低唱。
前几天，不小心将其中一张碟磨损，终于决定更新曲库，重新刻几张碟，恰好打发这几夜难熬的时间。
昨天无意发现这首歌，英文名和以前刻给你的一首轻音乐一样——Tear，追根溯源，原来是西班牙民谣，被齐豫重填英文词翻唱。老习惯，听歌先看词，不看则已，一看“战栗不已”，如果再出差，如果再一个人夜中走长路，这首歌必听无疑，太太太应景贴心，仿佛度身定做一般。
All alone I have started my journey
To the darkness of darkness I go
With a reason, I stopped for a moment
In this world full of pleasure so frail
Town after town on I travel
Pass through faces I know and know not
Like a bird in flight, sometimes I topple
Time and time again, just farewells
Donde Voy, donde voy
Day by day, my story unfolds
Solo estoy, solo estoy
All alone as the day I was born
Till your eyes rest in mine, I shall wander
No more darkness I know and know not
For your sweetness I traded my freedom
Not knowing a farewell awaits
You know, hearts can be repeatledly broken
Making room for the harrows to come
Along with my sorrow I buried
My tears, my smile, and your name
Donde voy, donde voy
Songs of lovetales I sing of no more
Solo estoy, solo estoy
Once again with my shadows I roam
Donde voy, donde voy
All alone as the day I was born
Solo estoy, solo estoy
Still alone with my shadows I roam
我爱，你可知：
hearts can be repeatledly broken
Making room for the harrows to come
Along with my sorrow I buried
My tears, my smile, and your name......
2011/07/26
2011/01/02
To Where You Are
不敢置信，与你以这样的方式跨年。
然后，想起这首歌，想象着，我在唱给你听。
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory, so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for a while
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave
Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for a while
To know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
I know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are
2010/12/13
Goodbye My Friend
Something Ally Mcbeal said in one episode "I will survive" hit me.
Similar to her, I have refused to move on for years after you have gone. Actually I share the same thought with her: It just feels like such a big insult to you if life just goes on.
Similar to her, I feel so alone because the one I love more than anything else isn't even mine. It's a fact, I had to accept. But when the love turned out to be finite, ended suddenly, it left me so empty. I don't feel entitled to cling to the love that I had with you. Maybe a part of me always think I would get it back. But deep down, I also know it is only a wishful thinking. That maybe why the hole feels so big.
Her colleague asked her:
Your love with him it was real at one point?
Yes.
Well, then, you own it. You're entitled to cling to it. Your last memory of him shouldn't be where you left off. Remember him the way you want to. You survive that way, and so does he.
Listening to this, I couldn't help thinking of your guess in last mail. It makes me very sad these days. I feel even more empty than last year.
However, his advice hit me too: Remember you the way I want to. I may survive that way.
In the end, this song appears in the air. It is very sad, I hope I need not to sing it to you yet.
I don't know where life will take us, I never know when death will shake us, I don't know whether I can find an answer in the near future. I'm not sure whether you still want to wait for me after all is said, as a friend, even it may take 10 years or more. But, I will try my best not to sing this song to you someday.
Be patient with me, please!
Similar to her, I have refused to move on for years after you have gone. Actually I share the same thought with her: It just feels like such a big insult to you if life just goes on.
Similar to her, I feel so alone because the one I love more than anything else isn't even mine. It's a fact, I had to accept. But when the love turned out to be finite, ended suddenly, it left me so empty. I don't feel entitled to cling to the love that I had with you. Maybe a part of me always think I would get it back. But deep down, I also know it is only a wishful thinking. That maybe why the hole feels so big.
Her colleague asked her:
Your love with him it was real at one point?
Yes.
Well, then, you own it. You're entitled to cling to it. Your last memory of him shouldn't be where you left off. Remember him the way you want to. You survive that way, and so does he.
Listening to this, I couldn't help thinking of your guess in last mail. It makes me very sad these days. I feel even more empty than last year.
However, his advice hit me too: Remember you the way I want to. I may survive that way.
In the end, this song appears in the air. It is very sad, I hope I need not to sing it to you yet.
I don't know where life will take us, I never know when death will shake us, I don't know whether I can find an answer in the near future. I'm not sure whether you still want to wait for me after all is said, as a friend, even it may take 10 years or more. But, I will try my best not to sing this song to you someday.
Be patient with me, please!
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