认知左右情绪

这两日，在北京参加培训，是关于压力和情绪管理的。几年来，参加培训其实已经偏离提升自己技能的目的，更多的是为逃离日常生活的樊篱，当然以前最终极目的是满足自己不受干扰痛快淋漓的聊天之需求。按照有个讲师的分类标准，在参加培训的三类人中，我既不是volunteer, 也不是hostage, 而是vacationer。现在，桃花源既然消失了，也就丧失了“度假”的迫切心情和期待，一切无可无不可。

不过，这次培训倒是蛮有针对性的。这一年，无论是对世界、对国家还是对我个人，无论是职业还是个人生活，都是压力叠生的一年，常常的，觉得自己就像绷紧了弦的弓，已经弯到极致，就等着断裂的那一刻。至于情绪的积压，更是把自己变得象随时要引爆的炸药桶，只差一根导火索了。

讲师在心理学界号称浸淫二十余年，虽然其貌不惊，讲话节奏稍嫌拖沓，内容不够充实丰满，总算气氛烘托得不错，大家也很放松愉悦，畅所欲言下还是有所收获的。

在讲到沙赫特的情绪三因素学说时，研究证实认知因素基于对当前情境的评估和过去经验的回忆在情绪形成中起到决定作用时，于是就想到以前与你的争论。你总是说intention和原因不重要，关键是行为本身及其后果，我却持相反论断。我当时用来反驳你的话如今想来很是罗嗦细碎，缺少理论支撑和严密的逻辑组织，也因而缺乏说服力，尤其对一向思维缜密，能言善辩的你而言。

如果换做今日，我会继续反驳你的”It doesn’t matter”，理由是：观者和受者由于视角不同，掌握的信息多少以及对行为者行为前因后果的了解程度不一，直接决定他对同样一个不可改变的事实行为的认知，而认知也直接决定了他个人的情绪感受。所以，原因是必要的。如果你在乎对方，哪怕自己再痛苦，再沮丧，再费力，彼此间可能存在着再多的误解，你也会不厌其烦得解释自己的动机和事实表象后面支撑的各种原因。

的而且确，我们无法改变已经发生的事实本身，我们却可以改变自身和对方的情绪。不想解释，可能是因为不屑，因为骄傲，因为不愿，因为厌烦，因为疲惫，因为灰心，因为沮丧，因为绝望……但绝对不会是因为爱。怕伤害对方而不解释，任由对方处于认知的盲点，更是走在错误的小径上。沉默，往往只会造成彼此更大的疏离和更深的误解。以前用来自慰自勉的话：“走自己的路，让别人去说”，那是对你不care的人而言的，你若是真爱一个人，他的看法又怎么可能不care?

也不知道你还有无可能再看到听到这说辞从而改变你的观点，anyway, 写下来，以作共勉，虽然面对你头脑一片空白的机会也不会再有了。

三万英尺

飞机抵抗着重力爬升在三万英尺的高空，鼓膜抵抗着气压用疼痛提醒我还活着，思念抵抗着泪水用回忆折磨我的虚无。舷窗之外，云层之上，是仲秋的太阳。热力散尽，静静凝视。

天空不曾留下痕迹，我已飞过。

后奥运的北京，容颜已改。穿行在车流夜色中，扑面而来的是时间的灰尘。五年间的北京之夜，曾有你遥遥相伴；多少疯狂的记录，曾一笔笔写下。如今想来，依旧是无悔，是骄傲：这个世界，我来过，我爱过，真诚的、深深的、不顾一切的爱过。哪怕现在，脸上添刻岁月伤痕，心中深藏悔恨失落，又是孑然一身......

浓情蜜意的余烬，一如滚烫的热泪，在萧瑟的秋夜烧灼着，不觉丝毫寒意。七拐八弯的饶了这么多路，还来不及看透沿途风景，就又回到孤独的原点。

人生一场大梦，生死从此茫茫。不思量，自难忘。

迷魂记

以为是行尸走肉了，不会再有动情之时，没想到看进行时态的《Grey's Anatomy》第五季，还是会在一些voiceover下湿了眼眶。

生老病死见惯的医院，更易让人觉出时间的无情，生命的无常。和那些挣扎求生的人相比，更觉出自弃的可耻，可是迷失的心魂呵，难以自主。

The waiting is always the hard part. I should be over it now，shouldn't I? Nothing can be wait any more. You made your choice, and I have been slowly forced to dig this awareness out from my subconsciousness. I've always known what's your choice in the back of my mind, but I deny it, I try to blind myself, I was dreaming an impossible dream......

Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is. You sure can't count on anything in life, can you?

今天又看见几句歌词，轻易引发内心汹涌的记忆：

为什么呵护我？
为什么感动我？
为什么宠坏我？
叫我如何习惯没有你？
我不能想爱就爱，
除非我学会想忘就忘......

情欲天才劳伦斯 -- 重感性轻理性

这两天在读《劳伦斯文艺随笔》，发现以批评家身份出现的劳伦斯，非常符合他自己对一个好的批评家提出的要求：要情感而非理性；要真诚，有勇气承认直白他的真实感受；还要有灵性，善用逻辑且心智高明。

这本书分为两辑，一为“美国经典文学研究”，是劳伦斯在1917年至1921年期间蛰居康沃尔时阅读美国文学作品的读书随笔。另一部分是“文艺批评随笔”，集中收入他不同时期关于小说的真谛和道德方面的探讨，体现他对生命和爱情的看法，观点恣肆，想常人所不能想，言常人所不敢言。

劳伦斯的反道德、重感性、轻理性，在评论中遍地开花，俯拾皆是。

劳伦斯不喜欢美国先驱者和“圣人”本杰明富兰克林，因为他用一连串美德的樊篱将人类的灵魂封锁在一条小径上，不允许偏离。可是人的灵魂是一座巨大的、幽深的、浩瀚的黑森林，且是十三条训诫即可规范？

他认为人都具有两重性，感性（血液意识）和理性（理智意识）是势不两立难以调和的，是在我们体内竖起的一座十字架。我们自我分裂又自我作对：感性使理智黯然失色，理智又反过来使感性消亡。他认为这就是霍桑最伟大作品《红字》的深刻寓意：在双重性争战中，罪恶得胜，而惩罚是人丧失自身的完整性、独立性。

他继而根据《泰比》和《奥穆》来嘲弄麦尔维尔的理想主义和对人与人之间完美关系的追求。他以为完美关系是不可能的。因为人生而孤独，灵魂的孤独对两个生命缔结成完美的关系是阻碍。任何一种关系都该有其绝对的限度和保留。而爱的本来面目就是既有完美之时也有满是荆棘的荒野。所以，奉劝诸君，不要象麦尔维尔一样痛苦挣扎八十年，奢望完美的婚姻、完美的相互理解和完美的朋友，到头来，不过是一场大梦。

他在《恋爱中的女人》序言中大声疾呼：这是他自己自身欲望之渴求与抗争的记录，是自我至深的体验。举凡来自灵魂深处的东西均无不良可言，所以，做为人本身应该尊重激荡在自身体内的欲望与渴求，不要被来自外界的理念、环境的指令而扼杀。因为普通人的道德，往往是对一种旧习惯的情绪化护卫。

在《三色紫罗兰》自序中，你可以从中了解劳伦斯自己何以会写下系列禁忌小说挑战世人“谈性色变”的恐惧心理的原因：“对我们来说，某些特定的字词，某些特定的想法是禁忌，如果我们让它们缠绕住无法自拔，无法驱赶它们，我们要么死去要么因为某种堕落的恐惧而发疯。对此，药方只有一个：解除禁忌。”

我个人觉得他对人与人关系最有裨益的建议是：每个人都要对自己诚实，固守自我，让双方的关系自然而然地形成。首先，需要勇气。既要有勇气承认自己的生命冲动，也要勇于接受别人的生命喷薄。其次需要原则。不要强行超越自我，而一旦超越了自己，就要勇于承认事实，而不要为此抱怨。我自己则加上第三点，不能勉强，要尊重对方的选择。

American Rhetoric Snippet

2008的美国，二雄角逐，举世关注。天下既定，成王败寇，风度翩翩，不遑他让。簧舌巧转，人心折服。

新鲜出炉总统Barack Obama之说：

Change Has Come To America

Hello, Chicago

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It’s the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he’s fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation’s next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the White House. And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics – you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to – it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington – it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn’t do this just to win an election and I know you didn’t do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime – two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor’s bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America – I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you – we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it’s been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years – block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek – it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers – in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House – a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world – our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down – we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security – we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright – tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America – that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing – Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America – the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “We Shall Overcome.” Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:Yes We Can.

Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America..

败将John McCain之言：

Thank you. Thank you, my friends. Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening.

My friends, we have -- we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly.

A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Sen. Barack Obama to congratulate him. To congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love.

This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight.

I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Sen. Obama believes that, too.

But we both recognize that, though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound.

A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters.

America today is a world away from the cruel and frightful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African-American to the presidency of the United States.

These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.

I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited.

It is natural. It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment. But tomorrow, we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again.

We fought -- we fought as hard as we could. And though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours.

I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends.

The road was a difficult one from the outset, but your support and friendship never wavered. I cannot adequately express how deeply indebted I am to you.

I don't know -- I don't know what more we could have done to try to win this election. I'll leave that to others to determine. Every candidate makes mistakes, and I'm sure I made my share of them. But I won't spend a moment of the future regretting what might have been.

This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life, and my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Sen. Obama and my old friend Sen. Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years.

Tonight -- tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Sen. Obama -- whether they supported me or Sen. Obama.

I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president. And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties, but to believe, always, in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here.

Americans never quit. We never surrender.

We never hide from history. We make history.

Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much.

Some learning from the 2008 election

The 2008 US presidential election finally has an ending story. I have never cared about it, however, I did read quite a few posts about it since the day I decided to open my eyes to this world. Here are very few learning from them:

spin-doctor: 公共关系顾问； 在90年代成为一个宣传媒介的流行用语。通常采用虚伪的，极具欺骗性的，巧妙篡改事实的技巧来打造政治人物形象。UK最有名的spin doctor 就是Tony Blair的首席智囊Alastair Campbell.

spin room: 政府新闻发布会会议室。

snake-oil: 万金油；蛇油起源中国，是治疗关节疼痛的一种药，后逐渐衍生成为一种贬义词，专门用来指那些在市场上被宣传为具备神秘治疗功能的万能药，而且成分神秘难知。

snake oil peddler: 显而易见是指招摇撞骗的“江湖郎中”了。

mawkishness: 多愁善感，无病呻吟，感情用事。

在Obama的获选演说中，有几处用典，buses in Montgomery、the hoses in Birmingham、a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." 我原本和很多人一样以字面意思去理解并轻轻放过，若不是和菜头此帖加以说明，还真不知背后有如此丰富故事，可见生而有涯，学无止境。

beatnik: 垮掉的一代。来源于beat generation, 最早于1948年由作家Jack kerouac发明，beat是beanten down或downtrodden的俚语，代表了由骗子、小偷、瘾君子和妓女等组成的社会底层。

Human skills

These day's training for human skills is a disaster. It is proved to waste my time again, it is increasing my anxiety of living a meaningless life.

Actually, I'm frustrated more and more in communication with people during the course of years, both in working and personal life. Ironically, dealing with people is the most needed skill for my career development. Taking training can't save me from this plight, even can't help any. Sometimes, I'm just sick of communication.

From time to time, I am shocked to know how different it could be for the other's interpretation and understanding with mine own on the same event/thing/feeling. I'm too pround to explain in every bits. I'm too hot temper to explain in very details. I'm too clumsy to make myself understood clearly and correctly. I'm too straightforward to make others comfortable...... I don't care what I failed in work, but I do care what I failed in......

Everytime I am thinking of the biggest mistake in my life, how fool was I at that time! How can I forgive myself?!

After the fatal failure happened, I'm really tired of living as a human being......

Then why live? A promise......

刚刚还看到劳伦斯在论达纳的《两年水手生涯》的随笔里提及：生活的本质，是人与人、男人与女人、人和万物之间相互交流的一种奇特水流。不停的交流，不停的震颤交流。

没有了我想要的交流，其他任何都失去了意义。天地悠悠，时间的洪流中，我只是感觉到极端的孤寒......我不想、不愿、也不能交流......生活失去了内核，只剩下虚空。

是谁赋予你书写的权利 —— 《给没有救我命的朋友》

我常常问自己，为什么又要开始写字，该写什么，不该写什么，尺度又该如何把握？我为人处事一向决断，很少犹豫不决，在写博这事上，却是从开始一路踌躇摇摆到如今。

写字的好处之一是：通过文字留存下来的流逝时光，虽然会露出深深的缺口和沉默的罅隙，虽然微乎其微，虽然会有很多日子一字不提得过去，但凝陷在文字中的时光，让记忆无法太随意得修正曾经的真实。

写字的坏处之一是：若要写出自己觉得有意义的又想写的，若自己又因为缺乏想象力或者缺乏驾驭文字的技巧，你就很难抹去其中真实的痕迹而不涉及影响他人。又或者，不愿意写字背后的目的驱动力被所谓道德给tradeoff掉，这时，隐私的尺度该如何定义，写字所披露的真实生活细节就会成为一个难题。

在迷惑与清晰之间，在希望与失望的尽头，在脑中不断响起的尖锐谴责的声音时，在心头不断划过的刺痛下，在无法让我信服的比较判断中，我茫然无从，我不知道我怎样才能给出一个充满理性的答案，或者富有逻辑的辩解。

这本充满巴黎式自恋的信笔所至的日记体死亡自白《给没有救我命的朋友》，之所以能吸引我，无它，仅仅是序言中提到的一系列问句：“我有什么权利写下这些呢？我有什么权利对友谊划下如此的切口？而且面对一个我从心底里敬爱的人？”于是，我开始在这部披露作者自己感染AIDS后的生存状态也披露他身边人隐私的书中寻找答案：Herve Guibert是如何又是怎样背叛了盛名在望的朋友Michel Foucault的隐私？理由何在？目的又何在？

跳跃的文字、触目惊心的记录，让人不得不惊叹艺术家文化人的糜烂生活、奇怪的思维逻辑和肉欲情感两分的习以为常。Guibert是如此合法化自己类似间谍的窥探、记录和对违背福柯意愿的临终生活真相的披露：“某种幻觉或眩晕，赋予我写下这一切的充分权利......因为我正在描写的不仅是我朋友的临终，也是在等待着我的那种临终，很明显从此维系我们的，除了友谊，还有一种共同的死亡命运。”因为作者所患绝症，因为作者本身也是著述颇丰，我选择相信他自称的目的只是记录“真实”而不是沽名钓誉哗众取宠，不过做为小人物的我，还是难以完全理解赞赏他的理由和他的行为方式。

阖上书的最后一页，我想，我的问题，依然无解。

唯一的收获是书中提及的一首Francoise Hardy的歌：

如果我走在你之前

记住了我会在那里

我迎着风和雨

太阳和自然元素

为了不停地轻抚你

空气湿润而清新

就像你所爱

如果你还不明白

你会很快认出我

因为我正在变凶恶

我迎着暴风雨

为了让你痛苦让你发冷

空气充满绝望

就像我的痛苦

如果你已将我们遗忘

请把雨点留给我

把太阳和自然元素留给我

我真的要离开你

也离开我们自己

空气只是一阵风

就像遗忘。

逝者已矣，背叛者和被背叛者，都已托体同山阿了，唯留文字和争议在这嘈杂人世......

I can't get over you

《I can't get over you》这首歌，是在听VOA时无意中邂逅的。一听之下，便如遭电击，很想唱给你听。

生命中，总会有些歌，让你想起一些特别的人和场景。还有些歌，会让你感觉精准地传递出你自己的言语所不能清晰表达的感受与情绪。更有些歌，简直就是为你量身定做，夜色中，星空下，你只想弹起吉它，站在你所爱之人的窗外，缓缓唱响来自灵魂深处的爱与痛。

虽然这样的以歌传情，越来越被人视为一种cliche。然而于我，一个既缺乏想像力、又与直白自己感受的灵性无缘，还纳言寡语的人来说，却不失为一种渠道一种手段。常常的，于不经意中听到一些歌，心弦轻颤的同时会想起你来，更会升腾起一种想对你诉说的急切欲望。细细推敲歌词，会发现只需将歌词中的一些词句或多或少修改一下，就能妥贴得表达出自己的某一种感受。看来，世界大同，人的情感体验，其实相差无几。

这首歌，当时遍寻不获，找了很久，思想斗争得很激烈，最后还是厚颜求你帮助才成正果。于当时自己，既是满心不愿（会破坏届时“唱”给你听的意境），却又实在走投无路，兼且难以抵御拥有的渴望才会出此下策。没想到，这样的请求还能给你当时阴翳满天的世界带来些许喜悦和满足，品咂着电话线那端上扬的声调，也算是我的“踏破铁鞋无觅处”罢。

你或许不明白，这里的每一句歌词，虽然出自他人笔端，却都是来自我自己的心海。

这首歌，一听就是两年，不觉丝毫厌倦。

I can't get over you

I've been trying for a long long time
But no matter what I do
When I turn to leave， my heart stays behind
Cause I can't get over you

I keep movin on， running hard and fast
But everywhere that I run to
I'm just standing still， living in the past
cause I can't get over you

If memories were like the leaves that fall
The wind would have carried them from my mind
The seasons pass but they never change
A broken heart can't keep time

If memories were like the leaves that fall
The wind would have carried them from my mind
The seasons pass but they never change
A broken heart can't keep time

While I've watched as colors faded in the sun
The color of my love stays true
I've been letting go now and I'm not holding on
I just can't get over you
I just can't get over you

被交换的命运 —— 《失窃的孩子》

小说与Yeats的诗作《The Stolen Child》同名，写的同样是人间的孩子和精灵的互动，不过此仙岛非彼仙岛，既没有藏满浆果和樱桃的魔桶，也没有波浪般跳动的月光；既没有迷人的玫瑰园，也没有砂砾上古老的舞步；岁月并不迷人无忧，相反，充满了漫长而不堪忍受的等待。孩子也并非是呼应精灵的声声召唤，自愿牵上精灵的手，主动远离那个“哭声太多”难以理解的现实世界。

一百多年前，Yeats曾借精灵之口告知人间的孩子：你们的世界充满了苦恼，在睡眠里也冲突着无尽的焦躁，不如和我们共赴远离尘嚣的史留斯高地。一百多年以后，Keith Donohue却借换生灵古斯塔夫对亨利生活的无情掠夺向我们揭示了一个并不美好无忧的精灵世界。

所谓“己所不欲，勿施于人”，换生灵的逻辑却不是这样的。他们是受害者，不幸被人所换而无缘绕双亲膝下承父母之恩。他们在岁月的流逝中，拥有着不老的生命永恒的容颜（定格在自己被偷的那一刻），心却在时光中不断老去。精灵世界不再是我们想象中的法力无边，森林生活的艰辛，百无聊赖的等待，使他们觊觎着人世间曾和他们一样的孩子，时刻准备着偷走属于别人的生活。

在这样的自然法则下，故事从上世纪四十年代的一个仲夏夜拉开序幕：七岁的亨利离家出走，换生灵的首领趁机进驻他家，取代了他的地位，在等待了一个世纪之后，他终于可以再次开始人类的生活。而亨利，经过溺水的洗礼仪式，则成了换生队列的尾端，在物竞天择的大森林中开始了对过去漫长的追寻。故事采用了音乐创作中的对位法技巧，以亨利和安尼戴的第一人称口吻交叉叙述双线展开，跨度三十年。三十年间，他们的生活偶尔会有交集，绝大部分时间却都在各自的轨道上与命运斗智斗勇，有着各自的烦恼和追寻、爱和希望。

亨利被脑海中不时浮现的隐约模糊的对话画面所困扰，在遵循人类轨迹恋爱、结婚、生子过程中执着于对过去影子的追逐，最后，终于找回了前生被困陷在沉默中的音乐神童。用未曾被偷走的音乐天赋，将内心涌动的言语谱成一首交响乐，讲述了一个终他一生维护着的秘密，其中，有觉醒，有追求，有悔恨，有拯救。

安尼戴则发明了自己的日历，在不知今夕何夕的林中岁月里追踪着人世的时间刻度，在阅读文学典籍之余用文字来重构被换生前后的双重生活（记录着新生活、拼凑着记忆碎片），证明自己的存在。最后他终于拼好了拼图的最后一片，却在窥测亨利从他那窃取来的生活中逐渐释然，消弭了嫉妒。并且以博大的胸怀，劝阻了精灵朋友对亨利爱子的谋划，避免另一场悲剧的发生。

故事的高潮在结尾，安尼与亨利在图书馆的密室里面面相对，一场冲突引发意外火灾，却释放了彼此压抑多年的恐惧和愤怒，也帮安尼找到了爱人消失的踪迹。他们最后用音乐达成了和解，宽宥了彼此。他们放手了过去，过去也放开了他们。从此，一个继续在人间，被家人朋友环绕，享受俗世的喜怒哀乐；另一个则背负行囊，万水千山，追随爱人而去。心灵获取了自由，自我得到了涅磐。

……
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild,
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.
……