I plan to scribble down some excerpts here from what I have read, for 3 reasons:
- Even we come to cul de sac, I still hope it is a substitute of my old notebook that has already lain silently in my drawer for 3 months, which will give me some illusion we are still sharing with each other. I know I'm pathetic, however......
- To compensate with my bad memory, to help some learning not dissipate in the course of time.
- An opportunity to have an introspection on myself.
PsyBlog has a series of posts about the psychology of relationship, not so good, however, two of them still strike a cord in me:
1. The art of Self-disclosure:
Self-disclosure plays a central role in the development and maintenance of relationships.
- Simply sharing our preferences for music, food or books can play an equally important role in forming relationships as self-disclosure about our deepest hopes and fears.
- Too much self-disclosure too soon can be off-putting. When someone you've just met starts pouring out their heart, it can make you want to run away.
- The way in which you react to the self-disclosure of others is of vital importance. People want to be 'understood' not just 'heard'.
The art of self-disclosing, then, is giving information to others in the right way and at the right time.
I retrospect the self-disclosure pattern between us, from the beginning to the end. The feeling is mixed. I recalled I had start pouring out my heart on the first visit to your colleage,I recalled how I gathered all courage to self-disclose my deepest hopes, fears, happyness and sadness in high school to you, which didn't scare you away. Since then, the pattern hadn't changed a lot, though I wish it had to some extent; Since then, you have gradually rein my heart. I also remembered what we had shared since our reunion, my "protest", your try, the insatiable appetite to know you more, the storm of blog, the anxiety, the longing, the loss, the shame, the jealousy, the pain......
How bittersweet they are! Deep down, I know all kinds of sensation are vivid and will never fade away.
2.Familiarity breeds contempt:
If the mere exposure effect holds for developing social relationships then, as we come to know more about others, we should come to like them more. However, after researches, the counter-intuitive finding is on the vast majority of occasions the less we know about someone the more we are inclined to like them. Of course this wasn't true for everyone - some met other people who they liked more afterwards - for the majority more knowledge led to apparent dissimilarity which led to less liking. It turns out that the connection between knowledge and dislike was a lack of similarity.
This rule is not applicable to ours. Actually the fact is: the more I know about you, the more difference are revealed between us, the more I am enchanted by you, the more I love you.Anyway, agree or not, these findings confirmed my conclusion about relationship again: 人与人的情感进退，像一场华尔兹，时间、舞伴、步调、配合、节奏、力度，无一不影响舞蹈的美感与结果。
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