2008年11月28日星期五

The shadow of Truth —— 《投影》


在世界哲学日前后阅读一本充满哲学问题的书,是个无意为之的巧合。当我读这本集悬疑、惊悚、侦探和科幻于一体的小说《投影》时,在迂回曲折的离奇情节之间,一系列的问号从文字背后不断浮现,刺激着我的思考中枢。

Kevin Guilfoile想通过这个峰回路转的故事说明什么呢?真理不是必然获胜,邪恶也许能笑到最后?

此书结局是,以上帝之名的连环杀人狂的确逍遥法外笑到了最后,而事实真相象拼图,每一个角色都因为缺失了其中几片不能将真相完整拼凑出来。他们只能是基于自己的假设、揣度和合理想象而行动,也因此,引发悲惨的多米诺骨牌连锁反应。

如果仅仅是遵循这条主线讲述故事,那这本书也不过尔尔,不值得特别推荐。与传统类型小说不同的是,作者借助现代高科技手段(克隆RPG)来探索真相,并因其手段的极富争议性,在诸多投影中(DNA的投影、真相的投影、真实世界在虚拟网络的投影、玩家自身欲望在角色扮演中的投影)为此书注入了更多哲学思辨的元素。

克隆人是做为独一无二的人存在的,还是仅仅是DNA原型的生物复制投影?克隆是否是一种违背自然生长律,危害生物伦理道德,侵犯人的多样性、唯一性和尊严的科技手段?是否该禁止、反对?

究竟是基因决定人的性格命运,还是后天教化、环境因素起着决定性作用?

虚拟网游中的人物是否能独立思考自主行动,还是仅仅是玩家思想、性格、行为和欲望的电子投影?

我们真能分辨良善与邪恶之间的差别吗?又是通过什么来判断区分?触发行为的意图?行为过程本身?还是行为造成的后果、最终结局?

高科技是一种进步,还是退步?它是让真相更加昭然若揭呢还是更加烟云模糊?也许科技本身只是一种工具,一把双刃剑,怎么使用,呈现硬币哪一面,在乎于使用者本身。

人类又该如何探寻、发现真相?我们又有多接近事实的真相和本质呢?自以为是万物之灵的我们,真能主宰这个世界,真的应该改造大自然吗?

做为人本身,我们该如何回答最简单最根本的问题“我是谁”?我们又如何、通过什么来发现自我?是象Sally 一样在虚拟世界做真实角色扮演,通过旁观者的视角由外向内观察自己、发现自己?还是通过自己的思考由内向外认同自我投射自我?

作者在受访时曾说,他在构思写作此书时,正反感情一直并存,心理其实很矛盾。所以才会在书的开篇,引用了雪莱夫人的话:一切观点、情绪是书中人物在当时情境下的自然流露,与作者本人无关。真的无关嘛?难以想象。不过作者的模棱两可,还是隐约可见的。

此书的序写得很精彩,值得细看,不过最好能在看完故事本身再来读此序,收获会更多。此外,还可衍伸阅读柏拉图的《理想国》,对著名“洞穴喻”一探究竟。

2008年11月24日星期一

World Philosophy Day

BBC Magazine的一则文章“四个伤脑筋的哲学问题” 吸引住我的眼球:
  1. 我们能否为了获取人的器官对健康人大开杀戒?
  2. 你还是刚开始读这篇文章的同一个人吗?
  3. 在你面前的真的是计算机屏幕吗?
  4. 真的是你在选择读这篇文章?
开始看得一头雾水,在通读两遍全文,谋杀n多脑细胞后才明白文章要点所在,同时也勾起我对“世界哲学日”的探究兴趣。

原来一年一度的“World Philosophy Day"是由联合国教科文组织(UNESCO)于2005年倡导成立,选在每年11月的第三个星期四,它的前身是社科人文领域首创于2002年的"Philosophy Day", 其目的是走出学院派的象牙塔,向普罗大众普及哲学,在社会中开辟、增加更多反省和思辨空间,以促进更多元化的独立性思考和交流,有助于更具批评意义和卓有成效的哲学理念的诞生与理解。

今年的"世界哲学日"是11月20~21日,主题选定为“权利与权力”,是为了纪念"世界人权宣言"60周年。主办国是意大利,联合国教科文总部巴黎和全球80多个成员国也会同期举办各种活动来庆祝。

今日之英语点滴

seat-of-the-pants: 直觉的、凭经验的
1. Based on or using intuition and experience rather than a plan or method; improvised:
"A new short-story collection takes Stephen King back to the form that gave him his seat-of-the-pants start."
2. Performed without using instruments: a seat-of-the-pants landing of the aircraft (飞机的无器械着陆).

很奇怪的一个俚语,试图寻找它的来源,未果。

at stake: 危如累卵,危险
in danger of being lost. About 3000 jobs are at stake if the company moves to another state.

bona fide: 真诚地,真实的

nouveau riche: 暴发户 (=new money)
people who have become rich recently and who buy expensive things in order to show people how much money they have.

old money: 富家出身(从定义可知"三代才能培养一个贵族"的话是由来有自的,看来品味是要靠财富、时间堆出来的,是有共识的)

drag queen: 男扮女装
A Drag queen is usually a man who dresses (or "drags") in female clothes and make-up for special occasions and usually because they are performing or entertaining as a hostess, stage artist or at an event.

The term drag queen originates in Polari, a subset of English slang that was popular in some gay communities in the early part of the 20th century. Drag meant "clothes", and was also theatre slang for a woman's costume worn by a male actor. Queen refers to the trait of affected royalty found in many drag characters.

Prix fixe: 客饭,和菜;客饭或和菜的定价.
1. A complete meal of several courses, sometimes with choices permitted, offered by a restaurant at a fixed price.
2. A fixed price charged for such a meal.

bite the bullet: 咬紧牙关忍受痛苦;硬着头皮顶下去
To face a painful situation bravely and stoically.

2008年11月23日星期日

P.S. I Miss You —— 《P.S.I Love You》


思念是什么?     

思念是不断拨打熟悉的号码,明知不会再有人接,还是想听听熟悉的声音。
思念是晨起时仍旧会习惯性得泡两杯咖啡,看着它们在一起。  

思念是自此失去食欲,不尚华服。   

思念是走在路上,不绝于耳的,是你的声音。    

思念是济济一堂的人群,放眼望去,只有你的笑靥。   

思念是急切得等待每一封不知何时不知何地会突然出现的信,然后饥渴得读每一个字,一遍又一遍,还是很饿。然后,是又一轮的等待。      

思念是穿上你的衣服,被你的气息和体温所拥抱,还是有很多很多的空隙需要填满,还是很冷很冷。   

思念是半梦半醒之间,不知身之所之,不知今夕何夕。     

思念是和别人言笑之间,脱口而出的,是你的名字。     

思念是一遍遍回放从相识到相知到相爱的老片,泪中有笑,笑里含泪。    

思念是愤怒、气恼、痛苦、无奈、不得不接受你的离开,永远地走出我的世界。

思念是想要忘却,不能忘却;想要继续,难以继续。

思念是你走后,我不再是我了。
     
P.S. I miss you!

Slipping Through My Fingers

Slipping Through My Fingers

Schoolbag in hand,
she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

她手里拿着书包
在清晨离开家
挥手再见
带着心不在焉的微笑
我看着她离开
心里涌起难言的忧伤
我不得不坐了下来
感觉还未曾真正进入她的世界
就将永远的失去她
很高兴可以分享她的欢笑
那个可爱的小女孩

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

时间在指缝中流逝
我试图把握每一分钟
感觉时间在指缝中流逝
我真的了解她吗?
每当我接近想了解她时
她一直在成长
时间在指缝中流逝

Sleep in our eyes,
her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake,
I let precious time go by
Then when she's gone
there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I can't deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(Slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

睡眼惺忪
她和我坐在早餐桌旁
半梦半醒
宝贵的时间在流逝
当她离开
忧伤袭上心头
和无法忽视的罪恶感
我们的冒险到底怎么了
那些我打算去的地方
(时间在指缝中流逝)
有些如愿了
可是绝大部分还只是个梦
但为什么,我却不知道

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

时间在指缝中流逝
我试图把握每一分钟
感觉时间在指缝中流逝
我真的了解她吗?
每当我接近想了解她时
她一直在成长
时间在指缝中流逝

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers...
Slipping through my fingers all the time

很多时候我希望能够定格画面
留住那转瞬即逝的时间
它却从指间悄然流逝

Schoolbag in hand
she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile...

她手里拿着书包
在清晨离开家
挥手再见
带着心不在焉的微笑......

2008年11月22日星期六

The Winner Takes it All

一部喜剧,我看到的却满是时间的灰烬......

碧蓝色的爱琴海边,郁郁葱葱的山坡上,夕阳西下,霞光万道,还有什么比美人迟暮的Meryl Streep借歌诉情更让人黯然神伤低迴不已的?


有情人终成眷属,可是,那又怎样呢?在她最美好的时光,她最爱的人却不在身边。相隔滔滔的时间洪流,又如何跨越?千山飞渡,纵是还有爱,也已不同。

ABBA的这首老歌和《Mama mia》这部音乐剧,因为她更添魅力、光芒四射。

The Winner Takes it All

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too

无需多言
我们曾经的沧海桑田
那些刻骨铭心的痛
都已成过眼云烟
我付出了全部
你也是

Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small

再没话可说
再没路可走
胜者王
败者寇

Beside the victory
That's her destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear

除却宣扬的胜利
那是她冥冥中的注定
当我在你的臂弯中
以为那是归宿
我是多么幸福
你把我呵护
你把我珍爱
许我一个未来
然而痴情如我 被命运戏耍
天意弄人
心如冰霜冷无情
有情人又怎样
天涯各一方

The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.

胜者王
败者寇
如此简单 如此清楚
我又能如何抱怨?

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low

告诉我 她的吻
是否像我曾经的那样香甜
是否给你同样的感觉
当她呼唤着你的名字
你心深处,总有一个角落
记取我对你的思念
然而 我又能说什么
天命难违
是非终会有裁决
我也只有俯首是从
旁观着别人的幸福
默默地卑微着

The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...

曾经的一幕又在上演
是爱人还是朋友
是一辈子还是一瞬间
胜者为王
无需多言
因为那会刺痛我的心
我明白你的心意
你是来叙旧的
但是 对不起
如果我的慌张失措 我的自信全失
让你难受
只是你要知道
胜者已经掏空了我的所有
胜者已经掏空了我的所有.....


所以嘈杂的世间有人叹息:生命中最残忍却不可违背的,就是时间。

2008年11月21日星期五

你是有选择的 —— 《Married Life》


龙应台在看完《窃听风暴》后,用她一贯犀利的笔,向善于合理化自己或野蛮或不义或懦弱或自私行为的世人射出尖锐的箭:“你,是有选择的”。

是的,你,是有选择的。十字路口前,或者左,或者右,生命的转弯,在你自己的脚下;或者是一马平川的仕途,或者是被无意敲醒的善恶直觉,像魏斯乐。或者是甜蜜的爱情,或者是鸡肋的婚姻,像Harry;或者是为安逸而远离梦想,或者是为理想而颠沛流离,像柏杨;或者是做父母在不远行的孝子,或者成为泣写着“锦瑟”思亲心切的游子。

是的,你,是有选择的。不要说什么没得选,不要说什么不得不。一切,都是在你自己的衡量取舍中,哪怕真的是以他人为出发点,以道德为准绳,终极受益者其实也包括你自己。或者图良心安适,或者求情感满足。

娥皇女英的故事,毕竟只是个传说。很多东西,终究是要放在天平两端秤一秤的。想要Grasp all, 往往只能lose all. 两者兼顾的平衡,在博弈中,在拉锯中,只能是动态的,短暂的。人生,也许就是在不断得选择放弃再选择,失衡平衡再失衡中之字前行。能直线式走到生命终点的,几希矣。

这就是在我看完这部《Married Life》后,突然闯进脑海的,于是“顺手牵羊”,借来做标题。当然,两部片子相较,后者远不如前者严肃沉重,不过,都是在讲人性,以及做为一个人,在十字路口前何以去从的抉择。

It’s funny, isn’t it? 虽然,幽默的色彩,有点黑。Narcissus式的自恋,让剧中夫妇虽然同床异梦、墙外开花,却迟疑不决不愿捅破最后一层纱窗纸,直面离婚。高估自己的魅力与影响力,以为对方离开自己就不可能再有第二春了,于是,奇怪的逻辑在欲望的驱策下开始精心设局,谋妻害命,向”A blessed release”直奔而去。殊不知,人又怎能比得上老天爷这个“精算师”呢?!若干时前对挚友的坦诚,竟然种下嫉妒和夺“妻”的因。在美的诱惑。爱的欲望和嫉妒面前,友情竟也是这样得不堪一击。从童年时一路走来的漫长岁月,竟抵不上佳人入眼的一瞬间。

有过迟疑吗?有的。一次。一分钟。命运不是常常如此嘛?早一分钟,或者迟一分钟,一切就会不一样。可是,偏偏就是这一分钟,不早亦不迟,于是,摇摇欲坠的婚姻兜兜转转稳固下来了,虽然夫妇各自于无人处涕泪纵横;于是,不但和心为之系魂为之牵的佳人携手走进婚姻生活,也慢慢地重新回到被背叛的朋友的世界,欢声笑语下是各自的心照不宣。

最后,满屋的喧闹欢快中,Pierce Brosnan优雅的画外音,淡然得问到: “Did we build our happiness on the unhappiness of others? That’s for you to judge. Whoever in this room knows what’s going on in the mind of the people who sleep next to you, please, raise your hand. I know you can’t, can’t honestly.”

告诉我,泥沙俱下的生活中,谁又能洞烛幽微呢?

Just be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. Though, you do have choice.

The Color of The Night

“夜色”这首歌曾是我的favorite,所以一度设成了闹钟铃声,直到那一天过后,我开始下意识得回避再听这首歌。

纵如此,那些个场景、那句话、那些感受,总是象默片一样,在记忆深处反复轮播,在各种出其不意的时刻如暗香浮动。每一个晨昏隐晦万物惟静时分,曾被这旋律中断的“梦”,总是会徘徊在心扉不愿离去;那些宿醉难醒的缠绵,沦肌浃髓的惆怅,一点一滴被深藏于岁月黑洞的情绪,在夜色中悄悄得渗透弥漫,象利刃,一刀又一刀,刻下时间无言的印记。

如果,如果再给我一次机会,仅仅是一次机会,我会怎么做?

我会深深得看进你的眼睛,在晨曦下,用最温柔的声音说那三个字。

我会轻轻得托起你的下颌,在油烟中,用最轻柔的动作为你拭去额头的汗珠。

我会毫不迟疑得牵起你的手,在夜色中,用最坚定的力道紧紧相握,绝不放开。

我会缓缓得从背后拥住你,在歌声中,用相同的韵律一起摇摆,不留一丝空隙。

我会稳稳得抱你在怀中,在蓝天白云下,用最专注的凝视描摹你的轮廓。

......

是的,如果有如果,哪怕只有一次的机会!我要尽情得燃烧,不再避忌任何,做想做而没做的事,说想说而没说的话。

因为釜底抽薪的火呵,势必要熄灭;因为灰烬呵,不可避免得要覆盖此后荒芜又漫长的岁月洪流;因为自此而后的寂寞呵,是茫茫天地“余舟一芥”的无着无落无边无际,既然只可以孤独面对,也只能素颜修行,一个人走下去。

而至少,当初燃烧的璀璨火焰会抵抗着滔滔的时间洪流一直温暖着我……

The Color of the Night

you and i moving in the dark
bodies close but souls apart
shadowed smiles and secrets unrevealed
i need to know the way you feel
i'll give you everything i am and everything i want to be
i'll put it in your hands
if you could open up to me
oh
can't we ever get beyond this wall
'cause all i want is just once
to see you in the light
but you hide behind
the color of the night

i can't go on running from the past
love has torn away this mask
and now like clouds, like rain
i'm drowning and i blame it all on you
i'm lost, god save me

I'll give you everything i am
everything i want to be
i'll put it in your hands
if you could open up to me
oh

can' we ever get beyond this wall
cause all i want is just once forever and again
i'm waiting for you
i'm standing in the night
but you hide behind the color of the night
please come out from the color of the night

2008年11月20日星期四

野蛮与文明

龙应台在南方周末专栏的《普通人》一文中,用两个普通老百姓之间因醉酒而引发台湾本土与外省人的一场口角之争,引出一个在欧洲进行多年的大型研究的结果:现代社会的国民可以在一个邪恶的政权领导下做出可怕的事。

文中提及二战德国种族灭绝的帮凶涉及各行各业的平民百姓,并具体举出一个小警察的实例来佐证。我于是联想到多年前看过的《一百个人的十年》这本书,以及多年来陆陆续续看到的文革浩劫乃至反右纪实。当初被一片红海洋所洗劫过掩埋掉的人心人性,直接后果就是如今中国社会的趋炎附势、追名逐利和道德沦丧。怪谁?政府?政权?领袖?追根溯源,还是人民群众自己罢?!

至于如今网上甚嚣尘上的vigilante和人肉搜索,更让人恐惧普通人可以引发的暴力。谁说丧尽天良的、特别病态的事,普通人就一定不会参与其中?野蛮和愚昧,并不仅仅是邪恶者的标签,并不仅仅以一种面貌出现。

纵观人类历史,横向比较世界现状,人类的文明竟然是这样的脆弱不堪。也许正如龙应台所忧惧的:野蛮和文明之间,竟然只有极其细微、随时可以被抹掉的一线之隔。

有时候想想,会觉得不寒而栗、无所依傍......

2008年11月18日星期二

数字化时代美国总统的鱼与熊掌

“黑莓,我所欲也;白宫,亦我所欲也。两者不可得兼,舍黑莓而取白宫也。”

这就是数字化时代新鲜出炉的美国总统Barack Obama即将要面临的抉择:"Say goodbye to Blackberry." 除非他与生俱来的演讲天赋能说服国会成员修改于1978年通过的"Presidential Records Act" (总统案卷法令),创造第二个史无前例(第一任美国黑人总统/第一任使用电子邮件总统)。不过,似乎可能性不大,后者看上去也不值得总统及其背后智囊团费上九牛二虎之力带领椭圆办公室跨入数字化通信时代。

Zen Habits将其视作Obama的巨大牺牲,甚至认为某些人会弃熊掌而取鱼,因为不能忍受放弃email, IM, Facebook, Myspace message, texting and the like所带来的愉悦享受。我相信这世上会有这样的异人存在(就像很多人favorate 的海鲜,对某些人是难以下咽的食物一样),不过我不以为这对Obama是"Huge sacrifice", 他需要的也许仅仅是一点点的时间来过渡适应而已.

就我个人体验,远离email一段时间不算艰难,尤其当email的sender永不可能是那个你希望的人。至于IM,找对了counterpart,棋逢对手的聊天所带来的愉悦感受的确容易让人上瘾,要戒除,也简单,没有了心仪的counterpart,时间的流砂会让你渐渐麻痹于那缺失的怅然,远离曾经带给你无数快乐的通讯工具。

至于email的更好替代品?我想,比较一下古色古香的传统信件和如今名目众多的数字通讯方法,你会发现,各有各的pros and cons, 没有更好,只有基于你个人所需的权衡取舍。

Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy




无意中发现Desperate Housewives Grey's anatomy的第五季正在上演中,于是开始一周一集的追看历程,和去年类似。如果不是你,估计自己不会开始关注并且喜欢上soap opera 这一类型的影视剧。

看这两部肥皂剧时,常常会唤起我少年时阅读《读者文摘》和《青年文摘》的体验。安静的书房,孤独的少年,沉浸在一个个简短的故事引出的一条条人生哲理中,遐想着自己未来的航程和风雨。区别在于,年少时是向前憧憬,现在是往后回顾。

两部肥皂剧相比,Grey's anatomy的集与集之间的联系,比Desperate housewives要更松散点,涉及层面更多在于个人的情感工作关系和心智成长;而Desperate Housewives,则侧重于家庭情感、邻里关系和子女教育多一些,此外还增添了点侦探悬疑的色彩在里面。两者的受众群也应该略有差别,前者应该更易挑起社会新鲜人的兴趣,后者则容易唤起已婚女子的共鸣罢。相较之下,个人是更喜欢Grey,尤其是那些穿插剧集始终的vocieover让我玩味不已.

此外,看这些肥皂剧,不失为学英语的一种好方法。可惜我常常为情节画外音所吸引,而且字幕的存在助长了人的依赖心和惰性,因此削弱了学习的本意,效果不佳。建议真想融娱乐与学习于一体的话,最好看不带字幕的版本。当然,你可能会需要看第二遍帮助理解那些陌生的字词或俚语俗语。还是相当耗费时间的。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blindside: 不留情面;攻其不备之处。
1. To hit or attack on or from the blind side where the attacked person's view is obstructed.
2. To catch or take unawares, especially with harmful or detrimental results


Alibi: 不在场证明
1. Law
a. A form of defense whereby a defendant attempts to prove that he or she was elsewhere when the crime in question was committed.
b. The fact of having been elsewhere when a crime in question was committed.
2. Usage Problem An explanation offered to avoid blame or justify action; an excuse.


Usage Note: When used as a noun, alibi in its nonlegal sense of "an excuse" is acceptable in written usage to almost half of the Usage Panel. As a verb (they never alibi), it is unacceptable in written usage to a large majority of the Panel.

blow off steam: 释放激情

stuck-up; 势利的,自大的,傲慢的
(used colloquially) overly conceited or arrogant; "a snotty little scion of a degenerate family"-Laurent Le Sage; "they're snobs--stuck-up and uppity and persnickety"

demonstrative person:善于表露感情的人

2008年11月16日星期日

Tie

I hate how hard it is.

It's just like you get attached to someone, and then they walk their way into your life, and then you wake up one day – suddenly, all you can think about is their little things……

The ties bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance, and time…… and logic……, because some ties are simply meant to be.

From 《Grey's Anatomy Season 5 Episode 8》

2008年11月15日星期六

Till We Have Face (Faith)


我很推许C.S.Lewis如此评定阅读的功能:“文学经验疗治伤口。”这也是我为何求助于阅读,诉诸于笔端,不再藏拙,开始用“文学经验+稚嫩文字”来诊断疗治自己灵魂深处无法愈合的伤的原因之一。

还记得在《The Stolen Child》一书中,当换生灵发现安尼戴一直在写书时诘问过他一句话:“每一个人写东西,都会有一个预先设定的读者群,你的,写给谁看,又是在向谁倾诉?”我当时倒吸一口气,仿佛这些精灵们在冥冥中听见了我内心呼啸的声音,于是特地设计出这样的问题提供给我做答的机会。我当时放弃了,我想,我的答案你该知道的,你一直就知道的,不是吗?

这本书《Till we have face》,奥璐儿则将自己的读者设定为古希腊人。从她敬爱的亦父亦师的狐那里,她知道他们言谈自由,敢于大胆谈论神,其中又不乏闪耀着理性光辉的智者,肯定会比她所辖之境的蛮夷之众更能给予她对神的控诉一个公正的评判。

奥璐儿又为什么要控诉神呢?简而言之,就是神夺走了她的赛姬,侵占了赛姬对她的爱,又不愿给她清楚的征兆,任由她去猜测怀疑,并因为猜错的结果惩罚流放赛姬,使她一生流浪、饥渴交迫。而且藉由赛姬的受苦让奥璐儿一生荒芜心灵受苦,永远无法摆脱赛姬悲泣的哭声。不但如此,还将她们的故事改头换面,在世间流传开一个被掩饰被歪曲过的赝品神话(Lucius Apuleius所著“Metamorphoses”一书中的“丘比特与赛姬”的传说)。她如此直言不讳神的“暴行”,胆大包天要求讨还公道,也是因为她毫无牵挂无可失去,只想要指证神到无可辩驳之地。

在这样一部控诉史中,在奥璐儿透过理性不断与神抗辩中,她自己灵魂的面纱不知不觉被揭开。在她以“无法反驳我”结束控诉后,她却遭遇棒喝,又不断看见异象,而最终,她得到了神的回答,她与赛姬重逢,她获取美丽容颜。她终于明白,除非她挖掘出心灵深处的真我,显现自己的真正面目,否则神是拒绝回应的。

很多年前,有人劝过我:“水至清则无鱼”,做人要难得糊涂一下,凡事不要一板一眼弄得清清楚楚,生活会容易开心许多。我不屑的拒绝,固执得一条路走到黑,为此不惜头破血流。直至今日,看着《裸颜》中奥璐儿以爱相逼,要求赛姬要弄清神的长相才可以喜乐才可以敬爱她的神;看着奥璐儿终其一生控诉着神,怨责他不清楚显现自己,不清楚说明自己的心意让人可以相信他,我突然有所醒悟,也许,这么执拗得想要将很多事物表象条分缕析搞清楚所以然,只是因为我们深心处潜意识里已经存疑在先,对人对事没有足够的信心,在自以为理性的框框中,妄图以逻辑思辨构建信任的基石,而因此忽略,人生中其实有很多东西,譬如爱,譬如渴望,譬如情感,是人的有限理解力所不能抵达难以言表的。

这或许就是C.S.Lewis试图借助这则改编自“丘比特与赛姬”的寓言故事,试图传递给读者的启示:“神的事,说的越清楚就越离谱。我们从神所得的,是生命和力量,而非知识和语言。”你只能透过信心,才能看见许多常人所看不见的美好事物,才能与事物内在真相面对面,换句话说,till we have faith (face), we know the God. 除此,还会有什么其它的答案足够回答人的问题?不过是字句、字句;导致层出不穷字句与字句间的纠葛、缠斗。

在阅读奥璐儿个人灵魂的挣扎、自剖与重生过程中,我还是很能理解她的种种感受的:喜乐、愤怒、忧惧、嫉妒、痛苦、多疑、猜忌、懊悔、孤寂、贪恋、虚无……我曾经和奥璐儿一样,一直执着于在某一个人心中占有独一无二的地位,不愿和任何人分享。“绝对或者零”,曾经是支撑我绝袂而去踽踽独行的信念。后来虽然有所醒悟,却大错已铸,势难转圜。如今以奥璐儿之叙述,再观照自己的内心经验,我似乎明白,那或许是源自我一直以来在爱的荒漠中漂泊,以及自卑所带来的那份多疑与求真的偏执。

生命,唯有在爱中融汇交流,才能够彼此分担痛苦、共享成果。

你静静凝视着群星
多么希望我就是那夜空
也凝视你,以千万颗眼睛


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

既然提到文学经验疗治伤口,不如看看刘易斯拨动我心的警句:

即使最相爱的人,彼此也有秘密。

最后的忘情拥别。记忆中没有这经验的人多么有福。有这经验的人,可忍受得了我这样白描直抒?

爱和失去爱原本是自然设定给人性的。

日子没完没了,仿佛影子钉牢中地面,日头不再移动。

原来,若非为了把人导入另一新的痛苦,神绝不会邀请人进入这种不可遏制的喜乐中。

最叫人惭愧的,正是自己最无能为力的事。

太常回忆反而把记忆的本身给搞模糊了。

够朋友的话,就应尊重对方的自由。硬逼你说出,比让你保留秘密,更让我们隔阂。即使你有一百桩秘密,我也不会因此不爱你的。

并且,尽可能的,我也把自己心里的一道门锁上了。除非我让自己疯掉,否则,我必须搁置一切对她的悬念,独独保留那些早年愉快的回忆。

女王的身份——并不能叫我心中那一泓自己极力筑堤围堵的苦水化为甘甜。我之矢志于做个出色的女王,其实有如落魄的男人沉湎于酒坛子,失意的女子浪荡情场,倘若她凑巧姿色姣好。做女王是一种精艺,让人没有时间发愁。

故乡以什么样的面貌呈现在流亡者的心中,我毫无概念。

我做这个,我做那个——做了这许多,又怎么样呢?事情进行当中,你的心无暇他顾。但是,夜静人散,有谁还会留连其中?短短的一截楼梯便把我带离筵席或会议,带离女王生涯所有的喧哗、谋略和光彩,让我回到内寝面对自己的孤独——换句话说,面对虚无。入睡前和早上醒来的时刻最难捱——那数千个夜晚和早晨呵!有时我讶异着到底是谁带给人这种毫无意义的重复——永不休止的日夜更迭、季节邅递、年来年往。

谁会相信这种事,除非活得够久,求索得够苦,以致能了解一段多年来魂萦梦系的激情会一夕间枯竭、凋萎。也许,在人的灵魂里,和在土壤中一样,那些长得色彩最鲜艳、香味最浓烈的,不一定最根深蒂固。

真还是幻梦,两者唯一的区别可能在于许多人看得见的,我们称之为事实,只有一个人看见的,我们称之为梦。但是,许多人看得见的事物也许索然无味,不过是过眼云烟,而只对一个人显现的事物却可能是从真理的源头深处喷射出来的水柱。

2008年11月14日星期五

小说家的阴谋论 —— 《达尔文的阴谋》



世上什么谎言最可信?半真半假的谎言可信度最高。

从以历史人物为蓝本的完全虚构小说《隐之书》,到以历史名画为媒介重新诠释宗教故事的《达芬奇密码》,再到如今以真实历史人物形象出现的《达尔文的阴谋》,这些个历史悬疑小说中,掺杂的历史史实是越来越多,可信度也跟着水涨船高起来。乃至我看完这本小说后,不顾作者后记再三强调“本故事纯属虚构,如有雷同,实乃巧合”,有冲动想上网google一下其中所涉及到的人与事,加以验证。也不知这世上达尔文的忠实fans,又会做何想?!他们能接受容忍自己尊崇且一度风光无限的科学伟人在此书中就这样被抹黑成欺世盗名的伪君子吗?

小说三线并行,生物学家休的达尔文研究和文本细读揭密、第三人称记载的小猎犬号探险经历、达尔文女儿在秘密日记中对其父疾病缠身的内因所做侦探求索,三线交错呈现,重新构想“还原”了进化论诞生始末,将一个被惊天骗局掩盖的真相大白天下。原来,进化论是蛮荒地区不曾开化的印第安首领的思考产物,物竞天择适者生存则是达尔文同侪麦考密克首创的核心要旨,至于进化论的第二著作权拥有者华莱士,也不过是个道听途说狡猾机灵的江湖术士二道贩子。达尔文虽然还没有利欲熏心到伤天害命的地步,至少不曾尽力援救竞争对手,并且于事后顺水推舟踩着他人的肩膀摘取了荣誉的果实。当然,他也付出了余生不得安宁的代价和亲生女儿的鄙夷。

就此书创作出版时机推断,John Darnton似乎在步Dan Brown后尘且有点邯郸学步之味,紧张刺激不如后者,不过他比Dan Brown高出一筹处是在悬疑解密之中融入人性的些许探究,书的临近结尾处达尔文如此忏悔:“这么多年来,我夹在懦弱和欺骗这对孪生兄妹之间进退维谷,游溺在财富和名誉的海洋里。我赢得了财富和荣誉,甚至更多,可是我从没有得到心理的安宁。世人的赞誉,扣在我头上的名衔,这些我都配不上。我只是个无赖,是个流氓,甚至更可恶。我的人生一文不值!如果我是个天堂和地狱的信仰者的话,我知道像撒旦一样,我的来生必将在更黑暗的世界度过”。虽然在物欲横流道德沦丧的当代社会,这样的警世响钟未必能唤醒所有人的良知:“不要学浮士德,不要和魔鬼签约”,但如果有那么一些些人有所触动有所反省的话,这本小说的意义,也就远远超越了同类“畅销”书了。

倾听的艺术

今天的培训讲师首先讲到改善认知模式,避免功能失调思维。在其所举十种功能失调思维中,透视人心赫然在列,我起始是有点疑惑的。一问之下,才知其实并非指真正的透视人心的能力,而是指人尤其东方人在沟通中倾向于通过他人言行来暗自揣摩人心而不是直接求证,这样容易引起失调思维,为自己平添不必要的烦恼和压力。

后来又老生常谈的讲到沟通技巧,有点厌倦。理论永远是理论,实际操作应用就完全在乎个人。倒是在听到关于倾听的艺术部分,心头稍稍牵动了一下。

在人与人沟通中,聪明人似乎更容易忽视倾听的艺术。因为聪明,他们以为能“透视”人心,从对方不够完整的表达中自以为理解了对方想要表达的意思。而事实上,很有可能大相径庭。我于是想到一直以来我不断在反思琢磨的我们之间的沟通障碍,究竟是什么,造成了曾经心有灵犀的我们在多年以后的交流中步履维艰?是时间?是距离?是经历?可是这些外因相隔多年并没有改变过,那为什么前后的感觉会如此不同?还是由更多的内因所引发的呢?

毋庸置疑,我们之间,我的不善表达,肯定是主因之一。但是,有没有可能,我们也不是非常善于倾听呢?思维敏捷的你,会不会因此太仓促就从我不够精确的语句中迅速推导出自以为是的意思和结论呢?兴趣广博,涉猎很广的你是否又会因为自信和缺乏时间而不会于“盖棺定论”再去反刍我的语句揣摩我的真实想法呢?骄傲的你是否又会因为傲气或我也具备的某种固执而不愿当面求证?于是误解开始聚沙成塔,积少成多。不过,我自己,有个不断翻阅留存下来的那些语句的习惯,除了可以舒缓自己的思念,也产生一个意想不到的效果:在一遍遍反复阅读细细咀嚼中,会下意识切换自己的视角、处境,替你设身处地想想。也因此,在事发后浮现的同理心中,自己在那些个当下所感受到的情绪所理解的东西所持有的观点其实是在不断修正渐次客观深刻起来的。我想,这样的延迟“倾听“艺术,要“归功”于我对很多未知领域的缺乏兴趣和好奇,以及我对很多与你类似责任的推卸逃避,由此腾挪出来很多难以打发的空白时间罢!也不知道,你若换做我,又会做何想。

如果一切可以重来,是不是,会有一个不一样的结局呢?

2008年11月13日星期四

倾听我心 —— 《Sweet Nothing in My Ear》



“Deaf pround”,在看这部《Sweet Nothing in My Ear》前真有点无法想像。首先,耳聋不算一种残疾;其次,如果有机会让失聪者走出没有声音的世界,居然会有人转身背对傲然拒绝;第三,就是“deaf culture”的文化理念和自我认同。

是无意中在HBO频道遭遇此片的,看之前查了一下IMDB,评分出奇的高(8.1),于是睁着惺忪睡眼在午夜时分守在电视机旁,渐渐的,睡意被好奇征服,剧情发展让人欲罢不能。看的时候会不断联想到你们,虽然背景情境截然不同,但是三口之家牢不可破的情感纽带,尤其是夫妻之间分享的深情厚谊和情人知己式的定位,让我眼前不断浮现你的影子。

Laura和Dan是一对生活在幸福婚姻中的夫妇,虽然Laura是个失聪者,Dan能听见这个世界的所有声音,但并不妨碍彼此是对方一直以来最好的知心朋友并分享一切,而且他们还快乐的和家人朋友一起生活在社区中,享有和常人无异的精神物质生活。一天,当他们唯一的儿子Adam受伤入院诊治,一个热心的医生将“cochlear implant”的概念灌输到Dan的脑海中,虽然Dan当时条件反射得拒绝接收这样的信息,但独处时,想要儿子能再度听到声音发出声音的渴望还是顽强得滋生,促使他身难由己的在网上搜寻相关信息并私下约好医生会谈。而Laura,则因为父亲从小灌输的Deaf Culture而本能的拒绝,受伤的”Deaf proundness”使她无法冷静得持有一个open mind,客观看待儿子可以拥有再度听到声音的机会。一场家庭战争就此引发,最后,双方甚至分居,对薄公堂以争取儿子的监护权。

在看的过程中,我的瞳孔和嘴巴应该是随着剧情在不断张大的,坦白讲,这样一种Deaf Culture和这些失聪者所属少数族群在现今美国社会中所具备的那样一种自信自足,还是让一直孤陋寡闻的我蛮匪夷所思的。尤其是在Dan向Laura抱怨岳父对其“耳聪”一直以来的歧视时,让我惊诧中忍俊不禁。能想象吗,有一天,这世上居然会有人因听得见而抱怨。

当然,最触动我的,既不是这首闻的deaf culture,也不是父母是否有权决定儿女一生的衍生主题,而是Laura和Dan的鹣鲽情深和难以分割。当Laura从父母处得知自己并非生而失聪,一直以来的自我认同不过是披上了面纱的真相重塑时,她受到了强烈的情感冲击,而恰恰在此时,Dan又步步紧逼,Laura在deaf 和hearing两个世界夹逼之下,在part of herself as deaf person 和part of herself as Adam’s mother的心理争斗中突然崩溃,Dan拥她于怀拼命安抚歇斯底里的Laura的场景,让我在自己的想像中既心酸而又神往。还有最后,等待法庭判决的前夜,Dan在公园长椅上孤寂得哭泣,Laura在看向父子俩相片时的黯然神伤,Dan后来颤抖着敲开家门,两个人坐在楼梯上互诉衷肠,呼唤着知己的回归时,我的心颤抖在” Whatever our choice is, we make it together”, “I want my best friend back”的深情告白下。相信,面对这样的深情,没有什么困难不会被击溃,没有什么因素能成为长久的障碍。



Life is shaped by choice, you make your choice, and you become who you are. If I love you, I will accept who you truly are.

认知左右情绪

这两日,在北京参加培训,是关于压力和情绪管理的。几年来,参加培训其实已经偏离提升自己技能的目的,更多的是为逃离日常生活的樊篱,当然以前最终极目的是满足自己不受干扰痛快淋漓的聊天之需求。按照有个讲师的分类标准,在参加培训的三类人中,我既不是volunteer, 也不是hostage, 而是vacationer。现在,桃花源既然消失了,也就丧失了“度假”的迫切心情和期待,一切无可无不可。

不过,这次培训倒是蛮有针对性的。这一年,无论是对世界、对国家还是对我个人,无论是职业还是个人生活,都是压力叠生的一年,常常的,觉得自己就像绷紧了弦的弓,已经弯到极致,就等着断裂的那一刻。至于情绪的积压,更是把自己变得象随时要引爆的炸药桶,只差一根导火索了。

讲师在心理学界号称浸淫二十余年,虽然其貌不惊,讲话节奏稍嫌拖沓,内容不够充实丰满,总算气氛烘托得不错,大家也很放松愉悦,畅所欲言下还是有所收获的。

在讲到沙赫特情绪三因素学说时,研究证实认知因素基于对当前情境的评估和过去经验的回忆在情绪形成中起到决定作用时,于是就想到以前与你的争论。你总是说intention和原因不重要,关键是行为本身及其后果,我却持相反论断。我当时用来反驳你的话如今想来很是罗嗦细碎,缺少理论支撑和严密的逻辑组织,也因而缺乏说服力,尤其对一向思维缜密,能言善辩的你而言。

如果换做今日,我会继续反驳你的”It doesn’t matter”,理由是:观者和受者由于视角不同,掌握的信息多少以及对行为者行为前因后果的了解程度不一,直接决定他对同样一个不可改变的事实行为的认知,而认知也直接决定了他个人的情绪感受。所以,原因是必要的。如果你在乎对方,哪怕自己再痛苦,再沮丧,再费力,彼此间可能存在着再多的误解,你也会不厌其烦得解释自己的动机和事实表象后面支撑的各种原因。

的而且确,我们无法改变已经发生的事实本身,我们却可以改变自身和对方的情绪。不想解释,可能是因为不屑,因为骄傲,因为不愿,因为厌烦,因为疲惫,因为灰心,因为沮丧,因为绝望……但绝对不会是因为爱。怕伤害对方而不解释,任由对方处于认知的盲点,更是走在错误的小径上。沉默,往往只会造成彼此更大的疏离和更深的误解。以前用来自慰自勉的话:“走自己的路,让别人去说”,那是对你不care的人而言的,你若是真爱一个人,他的看法又怎么可能不care?

也不知道你还有无可能再看到听到这说辞从而改变你的观点,anyway, 写下来,以作共勉,虽然面对你头脑一片空白的机会也不会再有了。

2008年11月12日星期三

三万英尺

飞机抵抗着重力爬升在三万英尺的高空,鼓膜抵抗着气压用疼痛提醒我还活着,思念抵抗着泪水用回忆折磨我的虚无。舷窗之外,云层之上,是仲秋的太阳。热力散尽,静静凝视。

天空不曾留下痕迹,我已飞过。

后奥运的北京,容颜已改。穿行在车流夜色中,扑面而来的是时间的灰尘。五年间的北京之夜,曾有你遥遥相伴;多少疯狂的记录,曾一笔笔写下。如今想来,依旧是无悔,是骄傲:这个世界,我来过,我爱过,真诚的、深深的、不顾一切的爱过。哪怕现在,脸上添刻岁月伤痕,心中深藏悔恨失落,又是孑然一身......

浓情蜜意的余烬,一如滚烫的热泪,在萧瑟的秋夜烧灼着,不觉丝毫寒意。七拐八弯的饶了这么多路,还来不及看透沿途风景,就又回到孤独的原点。

人生一场大梦,生死从此茫茫。不思量,自难忘。

2008年11月10日星期一

迷魂记

以为是行尸走肉了,不会再有动情之时,没想到看进行时态的《Grey's Anatomy》第五季,还是会在一些voiceover下湿了眼眶。

生老病死见惯的医院,更易让人觉出时间的无情,生命的无常。和那些挣扎求生的人相比,更觉出自弃的可耻,可是迷失的心魂呵,难以自主。

The waiting is always the hard part. I should be over it now,shouldn't I? Nothing can be wait any more. You made your choice, and I have been slowly forced to dig this awareness out from my subconsciousness. I've always known what's your choice in the back of my mind, but I deny it, I try to blind myself, I was dreaming an impossible dream......

Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is. You sure can't count on anything in life, can you?

今天又看见几句歌词,轻易引发内心汹涌的记忆:

为什么呵护我?
为什么感动我?
为什么宠坏我?
叫我如何习惯没有你?
我不能想爱就爱,
除非我学会想忘就忘......

2008年11月8日星期六

情欲天才劳伦斯 -- 重感性轻理性



这两天在读《劳伦斯文艺随笔》,发现以批评家身份出现的劳伦斯,非常符合他自己对一个好的批评家提出的要求:要情感而非理性;要真诚,有勇气承认直白他的真实感受;还要有灵性,善用逻辑且心智高明。

这本书分为两辑,一为“美国经典文学研究”,是劳伦斯在1917年至1921年期间蛰居康沃尔时阅读美国文学作品的读书随笔。另一部分是“文艺批评随笔”,集中收入他不同时期关于小说的真谛和道德方面的探讨,体现他对生命和爱情的看法,观点恣肆,想常人所不能想,言常人所不敢言。

劳伦斯的反道德、重感性、轻理性,在评论中遍地开花,俯拾皆是。

劳伦斯不喜欢美国先驱者和“圣人”本杰明富兰克林,因为他用一连串美德的樊篱将人类的灵魂封锁在一条小径上,不允许偏离。可是人的灵魂是一座巨大的、幽深的、浩瀚的黑森林,且是十三条训诫即可规范?

他认为人都具有两重性,感性(血液意识)和理性(理智意识)是势不两立难以调和的,是在我们体内竖起的一座十字架。我们自我分裂又自我作对:感性使理智黯然失色,理智又反过来使感性消亡。他认为这就是霍桑最伟大作品《红字》的深刻寓意:在双重性争战中,罪恶得胜,而惩罚是人丧失自身的完整性、独立性。

他继而根据《泰比》和《奥穆》来嘲弄麦尔维尔的理想主义和对人与人之间完美关系的追求。他以为完美关系是不可能的。因为人生而孤独,灵魂的孤独对两个生命缔结成完美的关系是阻碍。任何一种关系都该有其绝对的限度和保留。而爱的本来面目就是既有完美之时也有满是荆棘的荒野。所以,奉劝诸君,不要象麦尔维尔一样痛苦挣扎八十年,奢望完美的婚姻、完美的相互理解和完美的朋友,到头来,不过是一场大梦。

他在《恋爱中的女人》序言中大声疾呼:这是他自己自身欲望之渴求与抗争的记录,是自我至深的体验。举凡来自灵魂深处的东西均无不良可言,所以,做为人本身应该尊重激荡在自身体内的欲望与渴求,不要被来自外界的理念、环境的指令而扼杀。因为普通人的道德,往往是对一种旧习惯的情绪化护卫。

在《三色紫罗兰》自序中,你可以从中了解劳伦斯自己何以会写下系列禁忌小说挑战世人“谈性色变”的恐惧心理的原因:“对我们来说,某些特定的字词,某些特定的想法是禁忌,如果我们让它们缠绕住无法自拔,无法驱赶它们,我们要么死去要么因为某种堕落的恐惧而发疯。对此,药方只有一个:解除禁忌。”

我个人觉得他对人与人关系最有裨益的建议是:每个人都要对自己诚实,固守自我,让双方的关系自然而然地形成。首先,需要勇气。既要有勇气承认自己的生命冲动,也要勇于接受别人的生命喷薄。其次需要原则。不要强行超越自我,而一旦超越了自己,就要勇于承认事实,而不要为此抱怨。我自己则加上第三点,不能勉强,要尊重对方的选择。

American Rhetoric Snippet

2008的美国,二雄角逐,举世关注。天下既定,成王败寇,风度翩翩,不遑他让。簧舌巧转,人心折服。

新鲜出炉总统Barack Obama之说:

Change Has Come To America

Hello, Chicago

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.It’s the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen; by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the very first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different; that their voice could be that difference.

It’s the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled – Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been a collection of Red States and Blue States: we are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It’s the answer that led those who have been told for so long by so many to be cynical, and fearful, and doubtful of what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day.

It’s been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America.

I just received a very gracious call from Senator McCain. He fought long and hard in this campaign, and he’s fought even longer and harder for the country he loves. He has endured sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine, and we are better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless leader. I congratulate him and Governor Palin for all they have achieved, and I look forward to working with them to renew this nation’s promise in the months ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned from his heart and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the streets of Scranton and rode with on that train home to Delaware, the Vice President-elect of the United States, Joe Biden.

I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding support of my best friend for the last sixteen years, the rock of our family and the love of my life, our nation’s next First Lady, Michelle Obama. Sasha and Malia, I love you both so much, and you have earned the new puppy that’s coming with us to the White House. And while she’s no longer with us, I know my grandmother is watching, along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight, and know that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my campaign manager David Plouffe, my chief strategist David Axelrod, and the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics – you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you’ve sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to – it belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn’t start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington – it began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston.

It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give five dollars and ten dollars and twenty dollars to this cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation’s apathy; who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep; from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on the doors of perfect strangers; from the millions of Americans who volunteered, and organized, and proved that more than two centuries later, a government of the people, by the people and for the people has not perished from this Earth. This is your victory.

I know you didn’t do this just to win an election and I know you didn’t do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime – two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century. Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us. There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after their children fall asleep and wonder how they’ll make the mortgage, or pay their doctor’s bills, or save enough for college. There is new energy to harness and new jobs to be created; new schools to build and threats to meet and alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even one term, but America – I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you – we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won’t agree with every decision or policy I make as President, and we know that government can’t solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And above all, I will ask you join in the work of remaking this nation the only way it’s been done in America for two-hundred and twenty-one years – block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began twenty-one months ago in the depths of winter must not end on this autumn night. This victory alone is not the change we seek – it is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were. It cannot happen without you.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism; of service and responsibility where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves, but each other. Let us remember that if this financial crisis taught us anything, it’s that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers – in this country, we rise or fall as one nation; as one people.

Let us resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long. Let us remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House – a party founded on the values of self-reliance, individual liberty, and national unity. Those are values we all share, and while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress. As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, “We are not enemies, but friends…though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.” And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn – I may not have won your vote, but I hear your voices, I need your help, and I will be your President too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of our world – our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand. To those who would tear this world down – we will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security – we support you. And to all those who have wondered if America’s beacon still burns as bright – tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from our the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope.

For that is the true genius of America – that America can change. Our union can be perfected. And what we have already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that’s on my mind tonight is about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She’s a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing – Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn’t vote for two reasons – because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she’s seen throughout her century in America – the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can’t, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women’s voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs and a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that “We Shall Overcome.” Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination. And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change. Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment. This is our time – to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope, and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people:Yes We Can.

Thank you, God bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America..

败将John McCain之言:

Thank you. Thank you, my friends. Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening.

My friends, we have -- we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly.

A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Sen. Barack Obama to congratulate him. To congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love.

This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight.

I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Sen. Obama believes that, too.

But we both recognize that, though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound.

A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters.

America today is a world away from the cruel and frightful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African-American to the presidency of the United States.

These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.

I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited.

It is natural. It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment. But tomorrow, we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again.

We fought -- we fought as hard as we could. And though we fell short, the failure is mine, not yours.

I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends.

The road was a difficult one from the outset, but your support and friendship never wavered. I cannot adequately express how deeply indebted I am to you.

I don't know -- I don't know what more we could have done to try to win this election. I'll leave that to others to determine. Every candidate makes mistakes, and I'm sure I made my share of them. But I won't spend a moment of the future regretting what might have been.

This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life, and my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Sen. Obama and my old friend Sen. Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years.

Tonight -- tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Sen. Obama -- whether they supported me or Sen. Obama.

I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president. And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties, but to believe, always, in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here.

Americans never quit. We never surrender.

We never hide from history. We make history.

Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much.

2008年11月7日星期五

Some learning from the 2008 election

The 2008 US presidential election finally has an ending story. I have never cared about it, however, I did read quite a few posts about it since the day I decided to open my eyes to this world. Here are very few learning from them:

spin-doctor: 公共关系顾问; 在90年代成为一个宣传媒介的流行用语。通常采用虚伪的,极具欺骗性的,巧妙篡改事实的技巧来打造政治人物形象。UK最有名的spin doctor 就是Tony Blair的首席智囊Alastair Campbell.

spin room: 政府新闻发布会会议室。

snake-oil: 万金油;蛇油起源中国,是治疗关节疼痛的一种药,后逐渐衍生成为一种贬义词,专门用来指那些在市场上被宣传为具备神秘治疗功能的万能药,而且成分神秘难知。

snake oil peddler: 显而易见是指招摇撞骗的“江湖郎中”了。

mawkishness: 多愁善感,无病呻吟,感情用事。

在Obama的获选演说中,有几处用典,buses in Montgomery、the hoses in Birmingham、a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." 我原本和很多人一样以字面意思去理解并轻轻放过,若不是和菜头此帖加以说明,还真不知背后有如此丰富故事,可见生而有涯,学无止境。

beatnik: 垮掉的一代。来源于beat generation, 最早于1948年由作家Jack kerouac发明,beat是beanten down或downtrodden的俚语,代表了由骗子、小偷、瘾君子和妓女等组成的社会底层。

Human skills

These day's training for human skills is a disaster. It is proved to waste my time again, it is increasing my anxiety of living a meaningless life.

Actually, I'm frustrated more and more in communication with people during the course of years, both in working and personal life. Ironically, dealing with people is the most needed skill for my career development. Taking training can't save me from this plight, even can't help any. Sometimes, I'm just sick of communication.

From time to time, I am shocked to know how different it could be for the other's interpretation and understanding with mine own on the same event/thing/feeling. I'm too pround to explain in every bits. I'm too hot temper to explain in very details. I'm too clumsy to make myself understood clearly and correctly. I'm too straightforward to make others comfortable...... I don't care what I failed in work, but I do care what I failed in......

Everytime I am thinking of the biggest mistake in my life, how fool was I at that time! How can I forgive myself?!

After the fatal failure happened, I'm really tired of living as a human being......

Then why live? A promise......

刚刚还看到劳伦斯在论达纳的《两年水手生涯》的随笔里提及:生活的本质,是人与人、男人与女人、人和万物之间相互交流的一种奇特水流。不停的交流,不停的震颤交流。

没有了我想要的交流,其他任何都失去了意义。天地悠悠,时间的洪流中,我只是感觉到极端的孤寒......我不想、不愿、也不能交流......生活失去了内核,只剩下虚空。

2008年11月5日星期三

是谁赋予你书写的权利 —— 《给没有救我命的朋友》


我常常问自己,为什么又要开始写字,该写什么,不该写什么,尺度又该如何把握?我为人处事一向决断,很少犹豫不决,在写博这事上,却是从开始一路踌躇摇摆到如今。


写字的好处之一是:通过文字留存下来的流逝时光,虽然会露出深深的缺口和沉默的罅隙,虽然微乎其微,虽然会有很多日子一字不提得过去,但凝陷在文字中的时光,让记忆无法太随意得修正曾经的真实。

写字的坏处之一是:若要写出自己觉得有意义的又想写的,若自己又因为缺乏想象力或者缺乏驾驭文字的技巧,你就很难抹去其中真实的痕迹而不涉及影响他人。又或者,不愿意写字背后的目的驱动力被所谓道德给tradeoff掉,这时,隐私的尺度该如何定义,写字所披露的真实生活细节就会成为一个难题。

在迷惑与清晰之间,在希望与失望的尽头,在脑中不断响起的尖锐谴责的声音时,在心头不断划过的刺痛下,在无法让我信服的比较判断中,我茫然无从,我不知道我怎样才能给出一个充满理性的答案,或者富有逻辑的辩解。

这本充满巴黎式自恋的信笔所至的日记体死亡自白《给没有救我命的朋友》,之所以能吸引我,无它,仅仅是序言中提到的一系列问句:“我有什么权利写下这些呢?我有什么权利对友谊划下如此的切口?而且面对一个我从心底里敬爱的人?”于是,我开始在这部披露作者自己感染AIDS后的生存状态也披露他身边人隐私的书中寻找答案:Herve Guibert是如何又是怎样背叛了盛名在望的朋友Michel Foucault的隐私?理由何在?目的又何在?

跳跃的文字、触目惊心的记录,让人不得不惊叹艺术家文化人的糜烂生活、奇怪的思维逻辑和肉欲情感两分的习以为常。Guibert是如此合法化自己类似间谍的窥探、记录和对违背福柯意愿的临终生活真相的披露:“某种幻觉或眩晕,赋予我写下这一切的充分权利......因为我正在描写的不仅是我朋友的临终,也是在等待着我的那种临终,很明显从此维系我们的,除了友谊,还有一种共同的死亡命运。”因为作者所患绝症,因为作者本身也是著述颇丰,我选择相信他自称的目的只是记录“真实”而不是沽名钓誉哗众取宠,不过做为小人物的我,还是难以完全理解赞赏他的理由和他的行为方式。

阖上书的最后一页,我想,我的问题,依然无解。

唯一的收获是书中提及的一首Francoise Hardy的歌:

如果我走在你之前
记住了我会在那里
我迎着风和雨
太阳和自然元素
为了不停地轻抚你
空气湿润而清新
就像你所爱

如果你还不明白
你会很快认出我
因为我正在变凶恶
我迎着暴风雨
为了让你痛苦让你发冷
空气充满绝望
就像我的痛苦

如果你已将我们遗忘
请把雨点留给我
把太阳和自然元素留给我
我真的要离开你
也离开我们自己
空气只是一阵风
就像遗忘。

逝者已矣,背叛者和被背叛者,都已托体同山阿了,唯留文字和争议在这嘈杂人世......

I can't get over you

《I can't get over you》这首歌,是在听VOA时无意中邂逅的。一听之下,便如遭电击,很想唱给你听。

生命中,总会有些歌,让你想起一些特别的人和场景。还有些歌,会让你感觉精准地传递出你自己的言语所不能清晰表达的感受与情绪。更有些歌,简直就是为你量身定做,夜色中,星空下,你只想弹起吉它,站在你所爱之人的窗外,缓缓唱响来自灵魂深处的爱与痛。

虽然这样的以歌传情,越来越被人视为一种cliche。然而于我,一个既缺乏想像力、又与直白自己感受的灵性无缘,还纳言寡语的人来说,却不失为一种渠道一种手段。常常的,于不经意中听到一些歌,心弦轻颤的同时会想起你来,更会升腾起一种想对你诉说的急切欲望。细细推敲歌词,会发现只需将歌词中的一些词句或多或少修改一下,就能妥贴得表达出自己的某一种感受。看来,世界大同,人的情感体验,其实相差无几。

这首歌,当时遍寻不获,找了很久,思想斗争得很激烈,最后还是厚颜求你帮助才成正果。于当时自己,既是满心不愿(会破坏届时“唱”给你听的意境),却又实在走投无路,兼且难以抵御拥有的渴望才会出此下策。没想到,这样的请求还能给你当时阴翳满天的世界带来些许喜悦和满足,品咂着电话线那端上扬的声调,也算是我的“踏破铁鞋无觅处”罢。

你或许不明白,这里的每一句歌词,虽然出自他人笔端,却都是来自我自己的心海。

这首歌,一听就是两年,不觉丝毫厌倦。

I can't get over you

I've been trying for a long long time
But no matter what I do
When I turn to leave, my heart stays behind
Cause I can't get over you

I keep movin on, running hard and fast
But everywhere that I run to
I'm just standing still, living in the past
cause I can't get over you

If memories were like the leaves that fall
The wind would have carried them from my mind
The seasons pass but they never change
A broken heart can't keep time

If memories were like the leaves that fall
The wind would have carried them from my mind
The seasons pass but they never change
A broken heart can't keep time

While I've watched as colors faded in the sun
The color of my love stays true
I've been letting go now and I'm not holding on
I just can't get over you
I just can't get over you

2008年11月1日星期六

被交换的命运 —— 《失窃的孩子》


小说Yeats的诗作《The Stolen Child》同名,写的同样是人间的孩子和精灵的互动,不过此仙岛非彼仙岛,既没有藏满浆果和樱桃的魔桶,也没有波浪般跳动的月光;既没有迷人的玫瑰园,也没有砂砾上古老的舞步;岁月并不迷人无忧,相反,充满了漫长而不堪忍受的等待。孩子也并非是呼应精灵的声声召唤,自愿牵上精灵的手,主动远离那个“哭声太多”难以理解的现实世界。

一百多年前,Yeats曾借精灵之口告知人间的孩子:你们的世界充满了苦恼,在睡眠里也冲突着无尽的焦躁,不如和我们共赴远离尘嚣的史留斯高地。一百多年以后,Keith Donohue却借换生灵古斯塔夫对亨利生活的无情掠夺向我们揭示了一个并不美好无忧的精灵世界。

所谓“己所不欲,勿施于人”,换生灵的逻辑却不是这样的。他们是受害者,不幸被人所换而无缘绕双亲膝下承父母之恩。他们在岁月的流逝中,拥有着不老的生命永恒的容颜(定格在自己被偷的那一刻),心却在时光中不断老去。精灵世界不再是我们想象中的法力无边,森林生活的艰辛,百无聊赖的等待,使他们觊觎着人世间曾和他们一样的孩子,时刻准备着偷走属于别人的生活。

在这样的自然法则下,故事从上世纪四十年代的一个仲夏夜拉开序幕:七岁的亨利离家出走,换生灵的首领趁机进驻他家,取代了他的地位,在等待了一个世纪之后,他终于可以再次开始人类的生活。而亨利,经过溺水的洗礼仪式,则成了换生队列的尾端,在物竞天择的大森林中开始了对过去漫长的追寻。故事采用了音乐创作中的对位法技巧,以亨利和安尼戴的第一人称口吻交叉叙述双线展开,跨度三十年。三十年间,他们的生活偶尔会有交集,绝大部分时间却都在各自的轨道上与命运斗智斗勇,有着各自的烦恼和追寻、爱和希望。

亨利被脑海中不时浮现的隐约模糊的对话画面所困扰,在遵循人类轨迹恋爱、结婚、生子过程中执着于对过去影子的追逐,最后,终于找回了前生被困陷在沉默中的音乐神童。用未曾被偷走的音乐天赋,将内心涌动的言语谱成一首交响乐,讲述了一个终他一生维护着的秘密,其中,有觉醒,有追求,有悔恨,有拯救。

安尼戴则发明了自己的日历,在不知今夕何夕的林中岁月里追踪着人世的时间刻度,在阅读文学典籍之余用文字来重构被换生前后的双重生活(记录着新生活、拼凑着记忆碎片),证明自己的存在。最后他终于拼好了拼图的最后一片,却在窥测亨利从他那窃取来的生活中逐渐释然,消弭了嫉妒。并且以博大的胸怀,劝阻了精灵朋友对亨利爱子的谋划,避免另一场悲剧的发生。

故事的高潮在结尾,安尼与亨利在图书馆的密室里面面相对,一场冲突引发意外火灾,却释放了彼此压抑多年的恐惧和愤怒,也帮安尼找到了爱人消失的踪迹。他们最后用音乐达成了和解,宽宥了彼此。他们放手了过去,过去也放开了他们。从此,一个继续在人间,被家人朋友环绕,享受俗世的喜怒哀乐;另一个则背负行囊,万水千山,追随爱人而去。心灵获取了自由,自我得到了涅磐。

……
Come away, O human child!
To the waters and the wild,
With a faery, hand in hand,
For the world’s more full of weeping than you can understand.
……