Something Ally Mcbeal said in one episode "I will survive" hit me.
Similar to her, I have refused to move on for years after you have gone. Actually I share the same thought with her: It just feels like such a big insult to you if life just goes on.
Similar to her, I feel so alone because the one I love more than anything else isn't even mine. It's a fact, I had to accept. But when the love turned out to be finite, ended suddenly, it left me so empty. I don't feel entitled to cling to the love that I had with you. Maybe a part of me always think I would get it back. But deep down, I also know it is only a wishful thinking. That maybe why the hole feels so big.
Her colleague asked her:
Your love with him it was real at one point?
Yes.
Well, then, you own it. You're entitled to cling to it. Your last memory of him shouldn't be where you left off. Remember him the way you want to. You survive that way, and so does he.
Listening to this, I couldn't help thinking of your guess in last mail. It makes me very sad these days. I feel even more empty than last year.
However, his advice hit me too: Remember you the way I want to. I may survive that way.
In the end, this song appears in the air. It is very sad, I hope I need not to sing it to you yet.
I don't know where life will take us, I never know when death will shake us, I don't know whether I can find an answer in the near future. I'm not sure whether you still want to wait for me after all is said, as a friend, even it may take 10 years or more. But, I will try my best not to sing this song to you someday.
Be patient with me, please!
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