Human skills

These day's training for human skills is a disaster. It is proved to waste my time again, it is increasing my anxiety of living a meaningless life.

Actually, I'm frustrated more and more in communication with people during the course of years, both in working and personal life. Ironically, dealing with people is the most needed skill for my career development. Taking training can't save me from this plight, even can't help any. Sometimes, I'm just sick of communication.

From time to time, I am shocked to know how different it could be for the other's interpretation and understanding with mine own on the same event/thing/feeling. I'm too pround to explain in every bits. I'm too hot temper to explain in very details. I'm too clumsy to make myself understood clearly and correctly. I'm too straightforward to make others comfortable...... I don't care what I failed in work, but I do care what I failed in......

Everytime I am thinking of the biggest mistake in my life, how fool was I at that time! How can I forgive myself?!

After the fatal failure happened, I'm really tired of living as a human being......

Then why live? A promise......

刚刚还看到劳伦斯在论达纳的《两年水手生涯》的随笔里提及：生活的本质，是人与人、男人与女人、人和万物之间相互交流的一种奇特水流。不停的交流，不停的震颤交流。

没有了我想要的交流，其他任何都失去了意义。天地悠悠，时间的洪流中，我只是感觉到极端的孤寒......我不想、不愿、也不能交流......生活失去了内核，只剩下虚空。